Propaganda Sucks Even When You Know It’s Propaganda: Part 2

Knowledge is power but it is not immunity. “I can feel my reaction time slowing, my speech and balance are affected” says the rational brain. Meanwhile the rest of the body is doing the fifth shot of Jagermeister. The fact that you know, can feel, are aware of, and are informed about the alcohol doesn’t in any way mitigate the fact that you just spent all your money and fell into your neighbor’s hedge.

So it felt with propaganda.

Polls showed Hillary doing unreasonably well. Or at least unreasonably as compared to the information I could gather with my own senses. Thus either I’m nuts or the polls are crap (or both). It was depressing. It wasn’t that Hillary was winning; an honest loss is no big thing. I believe in competition. It’s that a propaganda laden mind fuck is different than an honest loss.

Which is one planned effect of propaganda. Propaganda isn’t all about giving you a shit lollipop and making you believe it’s delicious. Sometimes it’s about making you endure falsehood to wear you down. You are forced to listen to them extol the virtues of what everyone can see with their own damn eyes is a doody on a stick and you’ve just got to take it. It’s demoralizing… which is the point.

I was demoralized; just as planned.  I’m sick of shit getting blown in my face: Trump is Hitler and it makes sense that Hillary had her own private server and is a multi-millionaire and shes fit as a fiddle except the pneumonia that she suddenly got two days ago and classified doesn’t mean classified and… and… and… just shut up and eat your damn shit lollipop because it tastes like candy you fuckin’ serf… 

Sigh.

Plus I hate AMC Gremlins.

I decided that either the polls were totally invented (in which case I’d find out in due time) or I simply wish that to be true (which I’d find out too). Or perhaps first we’d have hanging chads and recounts until the right number was forced…

The very thought reminded me that if you elect someone mired in scandal you get scandal.

If Hillary won it would not end for years. Nixon was elected under a cloud and it rained shit on the nation until he was impeached. The penis laden Clinton was elected with rumors of where that penis went and it rained ugly on a blue dress until we had impeachment votes. The vagina equipped model (Clinton Mark II) has crimes under her belt that make the Watergate break in look like a silly prank and Bill’s sleazy sex seem almost wholesome. And she never misses a chance to build a massive leaky e-mail documented coverup where a ten minute humble but honest mea culpa would solve the whole thing.There’s no way her many many many “indiscretions” (each of which leads to ten more) will magically evaporate the day she swears in. No amount of money or power is enough to sate her appetite. It’ll just get uglier until she implodes or Smeagol accidentally knocks her into Mount Doom. Nobody wants to experience that.

My mood wasn’t helped by Mrs. Curmudgeon, who is wise and less prone to overthinking than I. She had a simple observation. Don’t bet against Hillary. Crooked or not she never loses.

Sigh…

So I packed it in took a media break. I turned off my wifi antenna and got to work on a shingling project. Regardless of who wins this shit show of an election, a leaky roof is far more serious than anything that comes out of the DC/NYC/LA military industrial bullshit factory.

---

Just before I went “off grid” I had a further dour thought. Hillary, who was in hiding at the time, (possibly in her lair being pumped full of drugs to keep her alive while lying on a pile of bearer bonds) was going to coast the last two weeks… unless something happened.

In any two week period something always happens. I just couldn’t imagine a mild or victimless something. There was too much pent up pressure in the air. You can’t write the same article for two weeks; “Trump is the Antichrist and Hillary is now exactly one point further than the margin of error ahead of him; part 7 of 14… by CNN.” Something would have to give and it would probably suck.

Trump would likely benefit from virtually any unexpected event. The thing with unexpected events is that you can’t schedule them and it looked like his timing was off.

Also I wasn’t looking forward to the unpleasant something. If I had to guess I’d postulate another moment of tragic violence; a BLM shooting or maybe terrorism. Ugh… nobody likes to think of that.

So I logged off with a heavy heart…

Next post soon.

Propaganda Sucks Even When You Know It’s Propaganda: Part 1

A week ago I was baffled by news reports showing Hillary steadily gaining and Trump sinking in the mud. I drove 400 miles and saw only three Hillary yard signs amid perhaps a couple hundred Trump signs.

I do not like it when information from the news (or perhaps I should say “news”) contradicts evidence I see with my own eyes. I don’t take well to misinformation. Propaganda is toxic.

The clearest logic was to dismiss the polls as hopelessly inaccurate. Yet, Mitt Romney’s hapless faceplant taught me to be wary of “the polls are wrong” thinking. Sometimes it’s true. Sometimes I merely wish it were true.

I was not the only one feeling an undercurrent of cognitive dissonance in polling. I got several comments which matched my observations.

A list of places from which I’ve received a comment that amounts to “lots of Trump yard signs but not many Hillary signs”:

• California (San Francisco)
• Tennessee (Gatlinburg)
• Connecticut (Suburban)
• New York (Upstate i.e. rural)
• Pennsylvania (northeast)
• California (Tuolume County, northern)
• Colorado (northern)
• Pennsylvania (North of Pittsburgh)
• Pennsylvania (Poconos)
• Florida (Punta Gorda)

There were a few signs of life from the Hillary side:

• New Jersey (south): Trump everywhere, Hillary signs suddenly appear in union halls last week in Oct.
• New Mexico (southwest): A few Trump and then suddenly many Hillary all at once.
• Washington D.C.: No signs. About 2 dozen Hillary bumper stickers, no Trump. Old Obama/Biden stickers outnumber current Hillary/Kaine stickers! (That’s hilarious!)

One with details that matched the “neck in neck” race I’d expect:

• Michigan
  • Around Detroit: 40% Trump / 60% Hillary
  • St. Clair Shores / Mt. Clemens: 70% Trump / 30% Hillary
  • Ann Arbor: 100% Hillary (apparently a pocket of true believers!)
  • Ann Arbor Suburbs: About 50/50

Locations of road trips like my 400 miles with lots of Trump and only 3 Hillary signs:

• Missouri -> Kansas -> Colorado (Denver) -> Utah -> Nevada (Las Vegas): Trump everywhere not many Hillary
• Washington (Touchet) -> Oregon (Freewater): Trump everywhere not many Hillary
• Utah (Salt Lake City) -> Washington (Seattle): Trump everywhere not many Hillary

If I missed or oversimplified your comment please forgive me.

---

Just as I was counting yard signs so was Massad Ayoob at Backwoods Home (link):

Is there a possibility that we have been misled about the inevitability of a Hillary Clinton Presidency? One dares to hope.  Am I the only one who has noticed we’re seeing far fewer “X For President” signs on homeowners’ lawns than we have in past elections? It would be in keeping with the general lack of enthusiasm we’re seeing for either candidate. That said, though, most places I go when I do see those lawn signs, there are a lot more for Trump than for Clinton.

Can we have – gasp – been misinformed?

---

Meanwhile Scott Adams (who has been scary accurate) went back into the “Trump will beat Hillary like a drum” camp with an oddly emotional and less rational argument (link):

I’ve been trying to figure out what common trait binds Clinton supporters together. As far as I can tell, the most unifying characteristic is a willingness to bully in all its forms…

…As far as I can tell, the worst thing a presidential candidate can do is turn Americans against each other. Clinton is doing that, intentionally.

…I endorse Donald Trump for President of the United States because I oppose bullying in all its forms.

…Today I put Trump’s odds of winning in a landslide back to 98%. Remember, I told you a few weeks ago that Trump couldn’t win unless “something changed.”

…Something just changed.

Emphasis is Adams. I’ll also note that Adams tries to sound cool and collective and this post differed in tone. I suspect the Hillary side boiled his biscuit until he couldn’t remain dispassionate any longer. (“Yesterday, by no coincidence, Huffington Post, Salon, and Daily Kos all published similar-sounding hit pieces on me”.) I found this the least persuasive of Adams usually well reasoned articles.

---

Random articles of solid anti-Trump persons flipping started showing up.

Here’s an example by Derek Hunter at TownHall (link):

For countless reasons I’ve covered over the last year, I dug in my heels… …I was steadfast in my opposition to the man.

But then he couldn’t stomach the press bias (same thing that was bothering me):

…what’s changed is me. Not through introspection and reflection, but through watching the sickening display of activism perpetrated by a covert army with press credentials.

Bias has always been a factor in journalism. It’s nearly impossible to remove. Humans have their thoughts, and keeping them out of your work is difficult. But 2016 saw the remaining veneer of credibility, thin as it was, stripped away and set on fire.

Here’s an example by burned Bernie Sanders supporter Cristopher Willard (who also echos my “I will always vote against nepotism/dynasty” logic) (link):

Either a Bush or a Clinton has been in power for 20 out of the 28 years since 1989, or 71 percent of the time. Electing Mrs. Clinton would increase this to 24 out of 32 years, or 75 percent of the time. Thomas Jefferson warned about dynastic rule…

…Bernie supporters, in the long run, have more to gain by supporting Trump, because if anyone has the potential to challenge dynastic rule and business as usual it is an outsider. Sure for many, Trump is an unknown, but he’s an unknown outsider, and this is important.

---

So what’s the point of all this? The point is I looked and looked for some sort of rational way to comport my observations with polls that showed Hillary pulling away from Tump like a Mustang racing a Yugo.

It was all too depressing. Then came that damned AMC Gremlin.

More in next post…

AMC Gremlin

[Mrs. Curmudgeon wonders how I can hate a car as much as I flake out over the AMC Gremlin. All I can say is she never rode in one. (A commenter Rickrolled me with one once. Well played!)]

For some reason the AMC Gremlin is not in most people’s minds as an atrocity. I can’t fathom why. They’re wrong… it’s definitely a wheeled abomination.

I’ve mentioned the AMC Gremlin before. You might be interested in the totally true story below:

• Garageneering: Time Travel
• Garageneering: Time Travel: A Plot Twist
• Garageneering: Time Travel: Alternate Universe Ending

Flashback to Hell! An AMC Gremlin!

[I fell off the “no politics” bandwagon and was thinking of another Trump/Hillary sign count on another roadtrip. Then this event happened and I was so addled I totally forgot about everything as I drove. I really really really hate that damn car!]

I was minding my own business when I was assaulted!

It was driven by a hipster. Seeing it made my eyes hurt.

I’m disgusted by the fact that this Goddamn thing actually still exists. I’m revolted that it ever existed. No world should tolerate so much ugliness in one place. It’s a hideous failure of imagination and engineering. The only saving grace of these abominations is that they usually wound up rusting to death soon after their accursed manufacture. Their time on this earth was short… yet too long. They are too foul to be stored in junkyards. Every last rusting heap of this model should be immolated and crushed. The cores should be melted into blocks, sealed in lead, and dumped in the Marianas Trench. Even then I fear the Marinas Trench isn’t deep enough to contain their fearsome nullity.

It was so awful… so vehicularly grotesque… that I had to take a picture. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps I was in the throes of a terrible flashback. That I used pixels and CPU cycles on this abomination before God and man confuses even me!

This… this thing… this rolling mistake… this metallic disaster… this abhorrent monstrosity is why I shall never forgive the 1970’s. The 55 MPH National Speed limit, the Iranian hostage crisis, Jimmy Carter’s fucking’ cardigan… and the God Damned AMC Gremlin.

There are things worse than the AMC Gremlin; but not many.

I’m going to go lie down. Pray for me.

---

More Subjective Surveying

The news reports Hillary steadily gaining and Trump dying in a fire. I just drove 400 miles and saw only three Hillary yard signs amid perhaps a couple hundred Trump signs. (I lost count of Trump signs, a loss to science.) Two opposite indicators.

Which is true; the polls/media or the signs I counted? Lets face it, nobody knows. If you think you know that’s not the same as actually knowing.

My best guess is that both are unreliable. Everyone knows polls reported by the press are commissioned by the press to say what the press wants. Everyone knows someone who would put up a Trump sign but doesn’t want to get vandalized or shit on at the workplace. Possibly poorer Hillary voters can’t muster a yard and richer ones quietly cut a check and keep the lawn clear? I’m starting to wonder if political yard signs are a quaint anachronism; like newspapers with news, kids with lemonade stands, and social comity.

We’ll all know on November 8th… or depending on the level of grift and cheat maybe a few weeks later. (Call the possible delay a “Gore extension factor”.)

However I have more (inconclusive but interesting) observations. I got comments from several locations. If it’s your comment please forgive me for oversimplifying:

• California (San Francisco): Very very few Hillary signs. No trump signs.
• Tennessee (Gatlinburg): Trump signs outnumber Hillary signs by a large ratio.
• Connecticut (Suburban): Trump signs outnumber Hillary signs by a large ratio.
• New York (Upstate i.e. rural): Trump signs outnumber Hillary signs by a large ratio.
• Pennsylvania (northeast): Trump signs outnumber Hillary signs by a large ratio.
• California (Tuolume County, northern): Trump signs outnumber Hillary signs by a large ratio.

And my favorite observation so far (because I love humorous outcomes):

• Washington D.C.: No signs. About 2 dozen Hillary bumper stickers, no Trump. Old Obama/Biden stickers outnumber current Hillary/Kaine stickers! (That’s hilarious!)

Online and in person I’ve heard several people refer to the risk of vandalism. As in “folks are afraid to put a Trump bumper sticker on their car for fear of vandalization”. This is not from one source but several. I’ve never heard anyone anywhere afraid of a dastardly evil Republican keying their car but the concern that a true believer from the left might cause damage is widespread (and in my opinion supported by the evidence). In this vein I have one observation:

• In a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere near where I live, a bunch of Trump signs popped up shortly after Labor Day. Many were the big “sheet of plywood” size. No Hillary signs (large or small) appeared. A few days later one of the Trump signs (only one of many) was vandalized. Some dipshit spray painted a big “NO” across it. I infer two things from this:
  • There are some voters willing to vandalize a sign but not just stick one in their yard (assuming they have a yard).
  • People who play that game in rural America are either brave or stupid! I don’t live in the balless suburbs. Ever notice that rural folks just don’t do riots? That’s because a riot needs a herd thinking alike and a cowed populace or weak law enforcement to let the spark grow. Rural folks aren’t angels but they don’t put up with shit either. Out here folks will park a skidder, three trucks, a bassboat, and a Skidoo in their yard without locking anything… because they’re fully prepared to kick your ass if you try to offski with the boat. Vandalism here is more risky than tagging a WalMart in Detroit. What kind of nutcase would risk an ass full of buckshot to dink around with a stranger’s election sigh? Good grief!

---

In other observations Maggie’s Farm offers a story about their encounter with a pollster:

She pushed a garish pamphlet in my hand. She called me by name, which I found very mildly unpleasant. “Have you made up your mind to vote for so-and-so?” I looked at the circular while I wondered about the parsing of the sentence I just heard. It sounded like someone who had rehearsed the wrong line for a play, and delivered a joke during a death scene.

“No,” I said. That’s all I said.

“Great, I’ll put you down as undecided.”

…

I had answered the question put to me truthfully. I had not yet made up my mind to vote for so and so. If he was on fire, I wouldn’t piss on him, and if he died, my wife would attend his funeral in a red dress, but no, we had not yet made up our minds to vote for him.

There’s everything you need to know about polls.

---

It also occurs to me that I used to have similar experiences but I put an end to that. My compound home is irrelevant Federally but the county is so sparse that every vote really counts in certain State/Local elections. In the past I’ve had several people per shitstorm election cycle come to my house. Not pollsters but campaigners and occasionally the actual candidates. (Quaint no?)

I harassed them all mercilessly. Including a guy who is (I think) now my sheriff. He kinda’ rubbed me the wrong way so I told him to fuck off and never come back. I wonder if he remembers me? I haven’t seen a physical campaigner for a few years now. There must be a list somewhere that says “stay away from these houses”.

My Personal Subjective Survey

[This post late, it was lost to and retrieved from the “cloud”. Also, were we at cyberwar on Friday? WTF?!?]

“Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?” Groucho Marx, Duck Soup, 1933.

I recently drove from nowhere to nowhere in a “blue state”. Well; that’s not entirely true because there are no “blue states”. There are only “blue cities”. When, as is common, blue cities steamroll the red remainder of the state we call it a “blue state”.

My itinerary would take me from what I like to call “free territory” (a comfortable rural redoubt), through what I think of as “occupied territory” (an urban area sufficiently large that I’d fuel up and get the hell out pronto lest I get trapped in traffic or be forced to listen to rap), to a final destination that was “suburban” (infested with malls, trendy people, and tight parking).

To pass the time I started counting Trump and Hillary signs. What would the ratio of the two be? Based on polling it should be close to 50/50 with a slight edge to Hillary. Math failed me because there were no Hillary signs. You can’t divide by zero. I wish I’d grabbed a paper and pen to count the Trump signs. I lost count of the Trump signs after a few dozen. By that time, I was maybe 40 miles into my trip. I guessed from 1 – 3 Trump signs per mile in fairly uninhabited nowhere.

As often happens, the radio had nothing but crap. The scan feature headed for the strongest signal and I was delivered to the clutches of America’s Pravda (NPR). Is there anywhere in America left without a strong Federal propaganda FM broadcast?

“Trump is toast! Thirty years ago he said some stupid shit. It’s unacceptable.” The announcers (whom we would formerly call journalists) were engaged in a round-robin discussion. Each was eager to prove they were the most convinced of Trump’s doom in the group.

I was aware there was some sort of kerfuffle but hadn’t paid attention. It seemed minor to me. A billionaire can get laid without “dating”, “courting”, or even “civility”? No shit. It seems a main perk to being filthy rich. Does it surprise you? That Trump bragged about it is believable. When is Trump not bragging? That he was crude? Um… I’m running out of ways to say ‘not surprised’. Meanwhile the party that created “getting a Monica” as a euphemism was play acting their temporary role as preening moralizers. Raise your hand if you haven’t seen that show before. Provided it isn’t a Clinton or a Kennedy they’ll act shocked that tawdry sex exists. When it’s Clinton or a Kennedy it’s a private matter between the man and an intern or Marilyn Monroe. What’s new? Plus, NPR has been predicting Trump’s demise daily for a year so maybe they do it reflexively? Then again Scott Adams seems to have thrown in the towel. Adams seems to know which way the wind is blowing and I wouldn’t know the zeitgeist if it bit me on the ass.

But what gives with the absence of signs?

While the radio babbled, I passed another bevy of Trump signs. The Trump count was somewhere around four or five dozen. I hadn’t seen a single Hillary sign.

Finally, 65 miles into my trip, I passed the first Hillary sign! I jotted a note of this remarkable observation on an old gas receipt.

What does it mean when I can drive 65 miles to see the first Hillary sign? What does it mean that I passed enough Trump signs that I lost count? What does it mean when Trump signs are outnumbering Hillary maybe 40 or 50 to 1? How does that comport with NPR congratulating itself over its most recent prediction of Trump’s demise? The most charitable explanation I conjured is that rural areas are politically irrelevant?

I kept driving. At 100 miles into my trip I’d witnessed only that one single Hillary sign. Baffling! This close to an election I ought to see signs for everyone from both parties and half-dozen bumper stickers supporting lunatics like Sasquatch or Bern (even if he isn’t in the race anymore).

Maybe I’d misheard NPR? I clicked on the radio it and was immediately assaulted:

“New polls show that Trump is utterly doomed. There is no reason to have a vote. All hail Hillary!”

I clicked off the radio and kept driving. When I’d driven 175 miles I still had only seen the one Hillary sign but I was approaching an urban area; Hillary’s natural habitat.

If there was any sort of rationality in the world I would see dozens and dozens (perhaps thousands) of Hillary signs in the land of her true faithful supporters. It was getting dark but I peered into the gloom. I was desperate to see something that would reconcile the propaganda on my radio with the real world where I was driving. I passed a plain blue billboard that supported the Democratic Party (no sign of Hillary). Was that it? Later I passed a Trump billboard, no sign of his party affiliation. The Hillary edge that would reconcile the polls remained invisible.

With my transition from rural to urban the steady stream of Trump signs petered out but there was no countervailing growth in Hillary’s count of… one. I formulated a new theory. Maybe rural folks will stand and be counted while urban folks can’t or won’t publicly declare their affiliation?

(In the interest of full disclosure I have only one political sign on my yard, an American Flag. That’s the only sign I need. A politician who wants advertising space on my yard can either rake my leaves in payment or kiss my ass and take their sign down the road.)

Another theory; perhaps urban people are so highly regulated they cannot put up a yard sign. Maybe homeowners associations are that brutal? A logical stretch that could make NPR’s poll data match my observation would be many millions of Hillary voters who live with a HOA that’ll firebomb you if you put up a yard sign

Seriously folks, I’m not sure what’s up and am open to ideas. I was in a state that will likely go to Hillary and would have maybe gone to Bernie Sanders and might possibly vote for Trotsky if you exhumed the body and had a couple of college professors wheel it around. If the urban/state vote is sure to be hers why am I not seeing evidence of it?

I drove straight through the heart of a very large city and there was no indication an election was afoot. I crossed a state line; theoretically moving from a “blue state” to an “even bluer state”. In suburbs six miles over the state line I saw my second Hillary sign. Plus, the usual herd of Trump signs. I had now traveled 285 miles and counted two Hillary signs. At 325 miles, I counted the third Hillary sign.

It was a 400 mile trip, there were scads of Trump signs most of the way and I had seen three Hillary signs total. During 8 hours on the road no FM station mentioned the election except NPR. I checked them every half hour and roughly 50% of the time they were announcing Hillary’s coronation. (The other 50% was a smattering of concepts; how awesome it is to be gay, the story of some dude’s script writing, an interview with a young woman in Syria, and something vague about religious comic books. Jesus in a comic book? I must have missed something.)

I’ve grown used to the press telling me things that are contrary to what I observe. Within reason, I chalk it up to living in the hinterland. If everyone in my county all died in a meteor strike statistically it wouldn’t matter. Conversely, just because I don’t care who uses which shitter at Target doesn’t mean RuPaul’s urinal options isn’t riveting to folks from Chicago or Miami or whatever.)

But surely a 400 mile transect should unearth some level of objective truth? I just drove 400 miles and saw only three signs for the Democratic candidate who, we are told, is polling well. What gives?

How Half Of America Lost Its Mind

[Update: Ace of Spades, who probably gets more hits in an hour than I do in a year, noticed the article a few days after me. I was in front of the curve for once? No shit! You might want to check out Ace’s post.]

I’ve been driving across the great beautiful chunk of freedom referred to (by assholes) as “flyover country”. I’ve been counting political signage and it’s fascinating. However, when I wrote what I’d seen it was eaten by the cloud. What can I say? I’m in an area of sketchy WiFi. (Usually I write locally and upload when done. I should have stuck with what works.)

In lieu of original thought, I’m going to refer to Cracked (which is hardly a fount of depth but sometimes they hit the nail dead center). David Wong slammed one out of the park with How Half Of America Lost It’s Fucking Mind.* Here are a few random quotes:

Donald Trump is a brick chucked through the window of the elites. “Are you assholes listening now?“

An obvious observation, but there’s more:

“But Trump is objectively a piece of shit!” you say. “He insults people, he objectifies women, and cheats whenever possible! And he’s not an everyman; he’s a smarmy, arrogant billionaire!”

Wait, are you talking about Donald Trump, or this guy:

.

You’ve never rooted for somebody like that? Someone powerful who gives your enemies the insults they deserve?

I’m in awe. An analogy bridging Trump with Ironman; it’s silly but it’s brilliant. A rich jackoff that scares the squares and breaks shit while you cheer him on; unless of course this movie wasn’t meant for you. Brilliant.

I encourage everyone to read it all.

A.C.

* P.S. I could point out the inherent bias of equating “support Trump” and “lost it’s fucking mind” but if you didn’t notice it on your own you never will. Also it’s Cracked fer crissakes; as with most media, the bullshit meter tends to redline a little bit. (Cracked used to be better and has declined lately but that’s the way of the world and it’s as predictable as Venezuela’s economy. Humor is the first casualty in a propaganda laden society and at least Cracked is still trying.)

** P.S. 2. I should mention that I haven’t seen the latest Ironman movie. I’m basing my approval on older movies. I’m assuming the character is about the same. If, in later movies, Ironman and the  Hulk went all Brokeback Mountain after they immolated a busload of kittens then the analogy might be a bit weak.

[Update: Ironman is now a teenage girl?!? Are they fucking kidding me? God dammit, is nothing sacred? I did not need to know they’d screwed the pooch on Ironman. Now I’m depressed.]

[Update 2: Someone said Thor is now a woman? What? How? Has Beowulf been informed? Is there no end? Presumably Zeus has been rewritten as a lesbian and Captain America is a socialist rabbit? Ironman was just plain fun and they fucked it up! I’m so sick of their shit. They fuck up everything!]

The Debates As Interpreted By “Wait But Why”

I recently discovered a blog called Wait But Why. (Warning, huge time sink… lots of great stuff to read! Give yourself time to peruse.)

The author took the time to transcribe the entire second presidential debate. This is one of the shorter posts and funny as hell. (Link here.) Here’s a sample:

Clinton: He’s lying about everything, it’s all on my website, and let’s just be happy that this loose cannon isn’t in charge of the law in this country.

Trump: Because you’d be in jail.

Audience: Oh dayome!

Anderson: We’d like to remind the audience to stop being a piece of shit.

Martha: But really, Hillary—what’s up with the emails you sneaky fuck.

It goes like that through several topics. Hilarious!

Bad Advice From People Who Hate You

I’ve noticed a pattern. I call it “bad advice from people who hate you”. Rather than wallow in the cesspool of election coverage I’ll describe the same process in another venue. Reporting on Papal Conclaves is where I first noticed it.

Bad advice from people who hate you runs ankle deep in the streets whenever a Pope dies. The pattern has been repeated for as many instances as I can remember. It goes like this; the Pope dies (which is a bummer) and then a bunch of guys with pointy hats sequester themselves in a room (doing God knows what) until they decide who the new Pope should be. I’m cool with this; I’m not a particularly religious man but I respect folks’ beliefs. I would never presume to interfere with how a religion chooses its leader (also I think the colored smoke thing is pretty groovy).

Once the new Pope has been selected, the press kicks in with “bad advice from people who hate you”. Earnest looking blowdried airheads with microphones will stand in front of the Vatican and look into the camera. Then they spew advice to the new Pope:

“We here at MSNBC / CNN / New York Times / America’s Pravda (NPR) are glad to hear the new Pope is such an awesome guy. We hear he saves kittens in his spare time and he’s going to look really good in a robe. In no way do we want to remind our viewing public that we spend six hours a day 365 days a year bashing any non-Islamic religion as ‘backwards hicks’. Also we think the new Pope has a great opportunity here…”

Wait for it…

“…what the new Pope needs to do is embrace changes that will increase the popularity of his religion. He should totally chill out with complaining about divorce, or abortion, or drugs, or premarital sex, or homosexuality, etc… Also, our polling suggests that young people think this whole focus on sin is a huge turnoff.”

See where it’s going?

“So if the new Pope just quits complaining about sin and stuff he can really improve the church!”

They do it every time.

Who are these peons? They say words like they have thoughts behind them but they’re just airheads. Worse yet they’re airheads who presume to know what Catholics should do. I mean how much bullshit can be squeezed into a journalism career? What fries a mind until one thinks you’re better than the Pope… at being the Pope?

Even if I could get over the idea of giving advice to a dude who has “direct word of God” on his business card, what about the next assumption; that popularity is the point. I’m not a theologian but I’m sure I read somewhere that the purpose of the church is eternal salvation. It doesn’t say anything about being popular. Perhaps they’re confusing the goals of a centuries old organization with the season finale of “Dancing With The Stars”?

Finally, suppose the Pope takes the advice of America’s Pravda (NPR). Suppose he quits talking about sin and pre-marital sex and tones down all the God stuff? Maybe he starts hanging out with rich Hollywood actors and flies around in a private jet bitching about global warming. Maybe he decides all that celibacy crap is lame and so he picks up a supermodel girlfriend and shacks up for a couple of long weekends. It might make him really popular and he’s done everything they’d advise him to do, but is he really a Pope anymore? How far can he go before he’s just a guy with an epic hat? Isn’t their advice on how to be Pope instructions on how not to be Pope at all?

Obviously nobody in the press is qualitied to say jack about the Pope. He’s got Cardinals and bibles and stuff to advise him. Nor should the Pope give two shits what some moron on TV thinks. Depending on your level of belief he answers exclusively to a higher power.

There’s something very creepy about a hack churning out 800 word articles for the New York Times who presumes to offer “advice” about something that far exceeds their grasp. This is what I mean by “bad advice from people who hate you”.

There Was A Debate Sunday

In the interest of an informed electorate I’m posting this clip from Sunday’s debate.