The Two Second Call

This morning my (land line) phone rang.  That’s one of the reasons I hate phones.  I didn’t recognize the generic corporate caller ID but I answered.  (I was expecting an important business call about something I’ll neither confirm nor deny but definitely did NOT involve any broken down heavy equipment I saw on Craigslist.) Nobody was on the line so I hung up in ten seconds.  I cursed my stupidity in answering.  I assumed that my number had now been recorded by iNinjas who would send me marketing materials about Steve Job’s toenail clippings encased in Lucite as a Christmas gift.

A couple hours later it happened again.  It had a different (and still vague) caller id.  Nobody there so I hung up in 8 seconds.  I assumed my number was now in the hands of the Vladimir Putin.

A couple hours later it happened again.  It showed a third (and still vague) caller id.  Nobody was there so I hung up in 6 seconds.  I assumed my number was now in the hands of either PETA or a Nigerian banker.

Just now it rang with a caller id that indicated an actual human being, but with a name I didn’t recognize.  The caller identified himself as conducting an opinion poll.  I hung up in 2 seconds.  Then I buried the phone, salted the earth where I’d put it, pissed on the spot, and covered it in cement.  I’ve disconnected my (already unlisted) land line and changed my name.  I am moving to a different state.  You can’t be too careful.

Of course it was a phone poll.  This is their quadrennial mating season.  Yuck.

I’m as amused by Gallup type polls as any other betting man and politically aware person.  However, they’re a mess.  No poll conducted by any phone will ever truly measure my opinions.  Nor will they measure the opinion of anyone who has a pulse and knows how to hang up a phone.  Who actually answers unsolicited land line poll questions?  Are they insane?  Are they needy?  Are they the same people that like jury duty?  Do they have lots of spare time and talk to their cats?  Is it a last grasp at human contact before the sinking feeling that you’re alone in a room full of empty pizza boxes and failure sinks into your soul and playing Warcraft loses it’s joy?

Phone polls are goofy in the cell phone era.  They were inaccurate a decade ago.  They’re tea leaves now.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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5 Responses to The Two Second Call


    Heard about this market on npr and apparently these markets have been very accurate for well over 100 years.

  2. Everyman/woman says:

    ah you weaklings who refuse to join us in manning the barricades against the invading hoards. If get a human I immediately suggest a destination for them and hang up but an automated call?… oh joy!! These people sell a product to politicians, newspapers, whoever they can. If we can make their product worthless then they will go out of business. Put horse poop in their boxes of corn flakes and no one will want to buy them any more.

    Just yesterday I was a 29 year old black female who is supporting Romney, the day before I was an undecided Native American man in his 60’s, and if recall correctly a week ago I was a grade school graduate in his 40s who was supporting Obama. Press “1” if everything you just told us is pure fiction. Yes, I’ll lie to that one too!

    Get creative man!

  3. cspschofield says:

    The “Do Not Call” list was a nice start, but as usual the Political Class exempted themselves and their friends. What is needed is a federal law against robot calling, and another which would strengthen the “Do Not Call” list to include non-profits and to make it legal for anyone on the list ho gets a call anyway to track down the Board of Directors and/or owners of the company calling and break their kneecaps.

    • I’m a big fan of economic incentives. Any politician, non-profit, business, stranger, and/or random yahoo who calls me should be reverse billed. A buck goes to me if you’re dumb enough to dial my “do not call” phone.

      Of course I’d forgive the fee for anyone who lets me kneecap ’em. I’m nice that way.

      • cspschofield says:

        In reading The Consumerist site I have kind of vaguely gathered that you can take business covered by the “Do Not Call” law who call people on the list anyway to small claims court for some nice change (the fine is, I believe, per call). Frankly, this strikes me as a lot of bother, but I believe that some people, finding themselves unemployed, have managed to generate some income this way.

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