Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread I: Motivation

Some folks, in what will eventually be understood as a colossal mistake, have asked for recipes and advice about baking bread. You asked for it! You’re the one who opened the cage. What comes next is all your fault, you have brought it upon yourselves, and nothing can save you now.

Also I have written this is advice for men who like to eat and maybe even kill stuff so they can eat it but who aren’t really into cooking for it’s own pleasure. Experienced cooks, macrobiotic pioneers, poets, paleos, and punk rockers had better find advice elsewhere. You’ve been warned.

The first step is to explore your motivation. Make a firm commitment to bake bread. This isn’t cooking… it’s a stand against the crumbling firmament of society. This is a line in the sand. The point where you stick your head out the window and howl at the moon.

Don’t think “I shall make a loaf of bread”…that’s too wimpy. Think manly; “I’m gonna’ bake the shit out of a loaf of bread!” Closer but not enough. Try this “Those son of a bitches at corporate bread are never going to see another damn penny of my money!” Yeah, that’s it!

A man needs to approach a project with the feeling associated with carrying the most powerful weapon in existence to the heart of evil and throwing that bastard into the volcano. It’s a war and you’re going to win! The goal here is to make bread so damn good you’ll never (or rarely) buy it again. You’re going all in on the bread front. Are you ready to rumble? Good!

Now on to part II.

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About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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2 Responses to Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread I: Motivation

  1. Pingback: Scary Yankee Chick | Bread Baking by the Adaptive Curmudgeon

  2. Pingback: Bread Background | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

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