Ambushed By NPR: Part 2

[I dread (and by possibly deserve?) angry responses to today’s rant. What can I say? As the election season poisons the air I had to vent.]

The road was treacherous so I hunkered down at a rural truck stop. Trucks were bailing off the road en masse. No tourists today; just working folks.

What kind of dumbass would be out in this weather?


I observed. Only one sort of of dumbass was out there: men.

Men will do anything for a buck. They were busy doing it.

Two guys in a rental car wore business attire that screamed “salesman”. They’d freeze in minutes if their car stalled. They loaded up with coffee and fearlessly spun back out there. Brave or nuts?

The lot filled up. Kenworths and Macks and a potato chip van. An F150 with firewood. A FedEx truck. My Dodge. All driven by men. We stomped around inspecting tires and scraping ice off turn signals. Everyone bought coffee. The coffee sucked.

A livestock trailer parked next to me. The driver began hauling bales of hay, filling buckets of water, etc… The ice made it difficult.

A road grader pulled up; never a good sign. Road graders are best when the snow is balls deep. The driver was dressed like Nanook of the North. Did his tiny glass cab lack heat? He was smiling. He smelled overtime!

Two snowplows arrived. The drivers topped off bucket sized travel mugs with nasty coffee and left; going my direction! I followed. My paint job took a beating but that’s what trucks are for. They stopped at the county line. I kept driving.

Finally at ease, I clicked on the radio. For this sin I was verbally abused (again!) by NPR. I’d missed several speeches by “Free Shit” Sanders. Now it was a solid hour of “Vagina” Hillary. (“Vote for me because I’m a woman.” Really? I’ve got a dick. Do I get to be Governor?)

She kept coming around to the topic of men. Those slimy bastards tend to earn more than women. Hillary will fix that!

I gritted my teeth. Damn straight we make more! Men are nuts. They’ll do stupid shit to make a buck. In return they tend to get paid more.

Women (on average and with many exceptions) avoid eating shit and taking risks. It’s probably a sign of refinement and maturity but the pay ‘aint so hot.

As knuckle dragging males chase that extra buck, Hillary sees red. Her Royal Omnipotence will “correct” my work ethic. Once all jobs are equal I won’t work so fucking hard. The “all jobs are identical” thing is a phase adults usually overcome. Children think of jobs as interchangeable. Then they get a job and discover they’re infinitely variable. Or they remain unemployable and risk the life of a Community Organizer. A terrible fate; filling out petitions and making bumper stickers until they die alone and angry; leaving behind nothing but unpaid student loans and the stink of futility.

Hillary extolled her glorious imaginary Utopian future. Back in reality I pulled over to piss. (Coffee takes it’s toll.) Imagine standing knee deep in a snowdrift (which is part of your work environment) while a fuckwit at a podium opines about what I ought to get paid. I engaged in crimethink. I ought to get paid as much as I can goddamn well pry out of the market. I get that by working both hard and smart and eating occasional doses of shit. And I take risks. There’s a small chance I’ll wreck or wind up frozen. It’s a mundane thing. I invested in (and use) 4×4. Hillary got a helicopter tour and invented Bosnian sniper fire. A hollow person fills her void.

Where does Hillary’s “magic spreadsheet of justice” hold work environment data? Does “pissing outdoors” and “abominable coffee” go in the formula? Will the Eloi in Hillary’s Ministry of Fairness value my truck in a blizzard like a Segway at a mall? Will considerations, applied in warm offices where the Keurig is never empty, include frostbite and truck stop swill?

Women avoided the blizzard. Men didn’t.  Women can be truckers but none were there. It wasn’t just truckers. The harried salesmen were men. The poor bastard skating hay bales was a man. The two snowplows were driven by men. The hyperventilating FedEx driver was a man. The grader operator (dreaming of overtime and dressed to spend the day in a freezing glass box) was a man.

Men embrace the stupid/brave world of risk. They do it for money. That’s why they get money. Hillary decries being “overpaid” like it’s bad. Men (generally) pursue “well paid” because it ‘aint bad. One method is chasing unequal (i.e. miserable) jobs.

For example: Suppose there’s ditch to be dug through radioactive lizard shit. It’s on an active volcano, in Greenland, with snakes. Offer enough money and someone will give it a shot. That lunatic is often male. Hillary’s won’t convince masses of women to take up lizard shit ditching. Hillary herself won’t show up with a shovel. Why not? Is it Bush’s fault? Is Hillary a victim of sexism? Does Hillary want equal jobs or not? If Hillary isn’t there did the nefarious lizard shit Mafia delete her application? Are skilled freelance female lizard shit shovellers getting shafted?

Only in Hillary’s head. The rest of us know shitty, miserable, dangerous jobs are open to anyone. If you’re dumb enough to compete you might “win” one. They pay a bit more. You’ll work your ass off. Men roll the dice. Women less so. Saint Hillary; who hates men, work, and math… disapproves.

Hillary simply assumes she should be in power; possibly due to divine right or proper genitalia or favorable marriage. Pretty medieval reasons eh? It’s a standard socialist conceit. Socialists don’t crave subservience to another socialist any more than I do. They simply assume they’ll be the boss… all of ’em. No starry eyed product of indoctrination imagines a mandatory 40 year career sweeping floors in a Soviet tractor factory.

Would I like the shoe on the other foot? No. Unlike Hillary I don’t indulge in envy. She earns more than me. Whatever she obtained legally (if there is any) is none of my business. I hope she enjoys her money just as I would. (I hope she goes to jail just as I would if I’d behaved like her. That’s a different matter.)

As a non-Socialist adult I have the maturity to accept people who are different than me and ignore them. I don’t want to bully them. Why would I? I don’t need that crap. I’m a free man. I can skin a buck, run a trot line, and drive a motherfuckin’ truck!

Also she’s depressing. She’s doomed. Doomed even if she becomes president. Men and women are different. That’s a wonderful thing. There’s nothing Hillary can do to remake people into different beings. It’s her unsolvable Achilles heel. She’s not God. Winning an election won’t make her God. She’ll never be God. Not mine anyway.

My stupid quixotic insistence on running around in blizzards is not a sexist thing. Hillary, lacking accomplishment, is mired in zero sum thinking sees nefarious plots which aren’t there. A tendency toward slightly higher wages isn’t a flaw, it’s a carrot. Carrots motivate problem solvers. No matter how much Hillary foams at the mouth, problem solvers make the world better and she does not solve problems. She’d like the dismiss with the carrot and wield a stick. Hillary with a stick is merely a slaver in search of a victim. Another reason Hillary’s doomed. Coercion just can’t compete. Russia was a nightmare and collapsed. Venezuela literally can’t wipe it’s own ass. Sanders wants to run the economy but can’t pay off his Visa. Hillary can’t (or doesn’t) drive a car.

Dismissal of honest work (in anyone) reeks of hubris. Hillary has it in spades. She’s clueless, was hatched in a vat, and lives in a bubble. Her megawatt ego assumes things she can’t do are trivial. Bullshit! Nothin’ is easy. All skills are valuable. Meanwhile she’s literally incapable of handling introductory blue collar jobs. Managing an iced potato chip truck in the hinterland exceeds her skillset.

Remember that as the election proceeds: Hillary (and the rest of them) are not qualified to drive a potato chip truck. In November millions of us will turn the government over to someone who can’t deliver Fritos. The best we can hope is whomever gets elected knows their limitations. Hillary can’t do anything and therefore all jobs are the same to her; yet she’d gladly tweak the wage market and fuck up the Frito supply!.

Eventually her two minutes of hate ended. It was all sour grapes anyway. She’s a loser but the world isn’t interested in losers. Even if she wins (shudder!) she has failure within. Braying she wants a world where idiots take harder jobs for “equal” pay won’t make it happen. Nothing will make that happen. Theorizing that men and women are identical passionless worker bee widgets won’t make that true either.

Hopefully America comes to it’s senses before The Hillary gets elected and starts breaking things. I like a civilization that delivers FedEx and Fritos regardless of blizzards. But there have been dark times before and some light always shines for those who see it. You’ll know the socialists won if ten years hence I’m smuggling toilet paper while NPR blathers about “unexpected” and “temporary” shortages due to “hoarding”. (And if that happens I’ll try to be the best damn toilet paper smuggler there ever was… because some guys can’t help themselves. They see problems as merely interesting things to be solved and hopefully a chance to make a buck.)

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About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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20 Responses to Ambushed By NPR: Part 2

  1. Joel says:

    You’ll know the socialists won if ten years hence I’m smuggling toilet paper while NPR blathers about “unexpected” and “temporary” shortages due to “hoarding”.

    The campaign is beginning to disappoint me. I wanted Trump v. Sanders, because a Mussolini v. Trotski election would be entertaining as hell and whichever loser won would be a lame duck before he took the oath. But with Trump v. Hillary, both parties will be in the tank for Hillary and the thought of a Hillary presidency just makes me…tired.

    Plus she’ll break more stuff. I fear she might possibly be more competent at that than Obama. Need a partner in your TP smuggling business? I’m a good driver in snow.

    • I’ll need partners. It’s a big market. The product line will be enormous. In addition to TP for everyone and Big Gulp sodas to New Yorkers, how about incandescent light bulbs, top loading clothes washers, and full volume toilets. In a few years virtually anything useful from 1970 will be contraband. Buy a 1969 Charger and get ready for a new career. 🙂

  2. Joel says:

    Oh! And also? You’re a sexist.

  3. Nathan says:

    Awesome rant. This is a far more eloquent version of the “wage gap problem” that I have read.

  4. DoninSacto1 says:

    So,would it be correct to say you don’t think you will vote for Hillary?

  5. Timbotoo says:

    Outstanding AC. Outstanding.

  6. mark says:

    Excellent analysis! Thank you for the work!

  7. Matt says:

    I’m thinking that I should invest in some wilderness land where I, too, can smuggle things. Chocolate, booze, toilet paper, and maple syrup. Corner the market.

    • It’s sure to be a growing market. Don’t forget big gulp sodas for the oppressed peoples of NYC and non-oxygenated gas that won’t fry a lawnmower. Just for style points one could hand out copies of Fahrenheit 451?

      Land is not for smuggling, transportation is. You’ll need something without modern traceable electronics; no EMP vulnerability, no black box recordings, no internal GPS. Therefore I think it wise to get an orange 1969 Dodge Charger. Perhaps there are folks in Kentucky with skill in such enterprises.

      • Joel says:

        Yes, that’ll be nice and inconspicuous…

        Are you sure you completely understand this smuggling thing? I think you just want a Charger.

        Full disclosure: My father’s midlife crisis car was a ’68 Charger, bronze, no confederate flag, purchased in 1968. That being shortly before I took my driver’s ed class, I grew to love him a little more for that…

      • Your father was a great man. And yes I want a Charger.

  8. Ray in Kentucky says:

    I’m in Kentucky(obviously). Whatcha need, and where and when you need it?

    And remember the great line from the movie Operation Petticoat, “In confusion there is profit.”

  9. P2 says:

    start smugglin north, AC. I’m in Barrow for a couple weeks covering for a vacationing wrench…a case of 30 rolls of TP at the market here is 49.95. if i could figure out how to attach the pic, i would. btw, regular unleaded gas is 6.50 a gallon……

  10. Tennessee Budd says:

    I knew there was a reason I bought all those flats of light bulbs. Gotta get my ’72 Cheyenne back from my cousin, & I’m in business; can’t smuggle much on an old CB750F..

  11. Chris Daemon says:

    Regarding Hillary’s qualifications, I paraphrase Bill Burr: I don’t ask the plumber’s wife to fix my crapper.
    Reading your piece, you have a waypoint in PA once the sh!t hits the fan… bring toilet paper. Eerily enough, we are half way through Atlas Shrugged, and the time may come when you are right about accusations about those “unexpected” problems.

  12. Howard says:

    I was talking to a friend the other day about various economic problems and he pointed out that in any economic situation if there are losers there are also winners so be ready to smuggle. If we go cashless you will just have to find something you can take in trade that someone else needs. Sorry, there is no road to Barrow Alaska so that is why you pay $50 for a bale of TP.

    • Completely cashless is more a threat than a reality. Soviet Russia, prisons, and the military haven’t managed it so 300,000,000 lunatic Americans will always create exceptions to “Cash only” Utopian theories.

      That said we’re closer to it than we’ve ever been and lurch that way more each day. In my eyes the biggest risk to cash in the future will be police theft (Asset Forfeiture). By amount of money stolen (seized), police theft already exceeds plain old non-police theft. In real terms that means muggers are moving less money than police thieves (seizure). Also there are sound defences against mugging but I have no idea what to do against police theft (seizure). How one can prove money in their pocket is not evidence of a crime(!)? (Seriously someone point me to a website that explains it.) So for practical purposes any wad of cash the cops detect is and will continue to be at risk. This is different form the odds they’ll swipe your Visa and max it out. Presumably Police can steal (seize) Wal-Mart gift cards, gold coins, and whatever else they want… but in practical terms cash (and possibly good late model cars) seems the main attractant of Police thieves. Hence my theory police are pushing cashless on the unwilling more than anything else. (Most cashless behavior is simply convenience.)

      Fortunately the whole thing might be solved by external circumstances. Suppose a hacker somewhere instigates a good solid two week crash of the whole debit card system. Or maybe a big network failure. The push to go totally cashless might be one DOS attack / power surge from utter rejection.

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