Young Men’s Fashion Advice From A Woodsman: Rectifying An Oversight

I committed an omission in Young Men’s Fashion Advice From A Woodsman. I’m adding a lucky thirteenth pointer:

13. Unless you are seven or an on duty bodyguard who expects violence within the hour, it is never acceptable to wear a clip on tie. In fact, it is not even acceptable to own a clip on tie.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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15 Responses to Young Men’s Fashion Advice From A Woodsman: Rectifying An Oversight

  1. Joel says:

    Oops, nope, sorry. Must recommend an amendment to your amendment.

    (ahem) “Unless you are seven or an on duty bodyguard or anyone who expects violence within the hour, it is never acceptable to wear a clip on tie. ”

    See, I knew this assistant manager at a car dealership where I once worked. And one day there was this very large, very angry customer…

    Details left to your imagination, but suffice that from that day forward the happy-to-still-be-alive AM was never seen again in anything but a clip-on tie. Neckties make excellent handles, which is why we put collars on dogs.

  2. Malatrope says:

    When I first skimmed this, I thought you said, “a tie clip” – but then I read it again, and (whew) it makes more sense now. You are very correct!

    I have noticed that tie clips seem to be less popular than they used to be, however.

  3. Anonymous says:

    If your body guard has a clip on tie, fire them. Pros buy a real tie, tie it once and clip the back and add either velcro or a snap. Same great breakaway/anti choking, but can also still be loosed and function almost like a real tie if they need to relax their look or cool off a bit.

    • Well lets change it to “clip on tie or some functionally equivalent analogue”.

      Also Curmudgeons don’t hire body guards. That’s for rich city chickenshits. A proper rural American already knows self defence, is armed to the teeth, and as soon as they have a house they get a dog.

  4. Robert says:

    Good point!
    For eight years of my life I had to wear a clip-on (for the second reason, not the first). Best reason to not wear one (besides not expecting violence): ya gotta button that darn top button and then a deep breath hurts. Besides, no woman ever put her arms around a clip-on-wearing man while saying “Here, let me show you how to tie a tie; honestly, how could you not know?”

  5. Mark Matis says:

    Before one considers marriage, one ought to ask the woman whether she would still marry him even if he dressed for the wedding in his normal attire. A negative answer there should tell you all you need to know – she considers you to be someone she can train to suit her whims. RUN LIKE HELL!!! Unless you REALLY want to be a Project for her and her friends…

    Of course, if she answers “Yes!” anyway, then you should respect and honor her with all your heart and soul. And make SURE you rent a nice tux for the wedding. And drink in moderation. And no snuff. And even when she smushes the piece of wedding cake in your face, do not respond in kind. SHOW HER that you really love her as much as she clearly loves you.

    • Tennessee Budd says:

      Mine wanted me to be comfortable (we were married on a covered bridge, in June in TN, 50 feet over a river–it was humid), so the best man & I were in black T-shirts, black jeans & boots.
      It was her 3rd wedding, but the first in which she got to wear a wedding gown, so that was cool. Even better, she made it herself–woman’s handy with a sewing machine.

  6. Roy says:

    When I get to be the dictator of the planet, my first act will be to outlaw the necktie by decree. That way nobody will have to wear one of those stupid things and having one or not won’t matter.

    I’m sure I will be a very popular potentate.

  7. Dale Frazier says:

    Another exception. If you have to wear a tie around rotating machinery, it best be a clip on. Otherwise, you risk bring abruptly jerked into the sweet subsequently.

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