I’m Back: Part 4: It Just Doesn’t Matter

When party leadership rejects its member’s views is it really a “party”? Recently I’m not sure “party” is appropriate. “Gang”, “bullies bossing stooges”, or “oligarchs and useful idiots” all seem more descriptive. I’m not worried. The nation doesn’t need parties anyway; certainly not these two.

Rushbo, the living embodiment of AM howlers, was in full apoplexy. He gets paid to freak out and he’s good at it. My truck’s speakers were awash in his blathering about Colorado. I had no context. It could be anything. Colorado tends to go ape fairly regularly. Last summer the EPA nuked a mountain river and they shit themselves over gun magazines. Before that it was legalized pot and the housing bust. Invariably there’s the continuing process of becoming an undocumented northern province of Mexico. It was probably something silly. Maybe an undocumented transexual Islamic terrorist demanding safe places to bake gay cakes in a church while shooting heroin?

My “go to” Colorado contact is a life long conservative. We debate politics and his opinions are reasoned and sincere. Often he changes my mind. He’d know.


The response came quickly: “After 38 years, I’ve quit the Republican party. I went to the courthouse today.”

Holy shit! This guy simply bled GOP. If he didn’t have a shrine to Reagan he at least considered it. (Editors note: My friend wants to point out he doesn’t have a shrine but he does have a coffee mug.) If he severed ties with the Stupid party what’s next; a Buddhist Pope? Me buying a Prius? Dogs and cats living together?

The ensuing conversation was both inspiring and depressing. It gave me hope that anyone can break free of the Stupid/Evil dichotomy. However this guy’s faith was dependable like gravity and I hated to see it go.

Me: “What happened? Did they gut a kitten on live TV?”

Him: “There was a primary. Actually it was a caucus. But it turned out like a straw poll. I think the word is a preference poll.”

Me: “Preference poll? Sounds like pansy shit but whatever. Did the people go for Senior Hair or the Sad Sack? Wait! I know, everyone got stoned on legal pot and went for Kasich!”

Him: “Well 34 non-binding delegates pledged their votes to Cruze. I think they’re non-binding. I’m not sure.”

Me: “So folks in Colorado totally dig Cruze?”

Him: “I think maybe Cruze would have won the state but the activity that looked like voting was just for show anyway.”

This gave me pause. A party is a private entity. It can select candidates any way it chooses. It could take careful readings of it’s party members and act accordingly. Or it could examine goat entrails in a secret rite. Which leads, immediately, to me wondering; if you’re going to make a selection based on goat entrails why drag your followers through the mud? Who invites people to an event that’ll prove how much you don’t care? Suppose I called up my neighbor and personally informed him I was going to let my dog shit on the public street in front of his house? Perhaps I have the legal option to do so but what good can come of it? Generally when you’re going to ignore someone you don’t ask them to take a day off work to be ignored.

Me: “So there was an event that had the appearance of voting but the real answer is ‘thanks for coming today but you can go fuck yourself’?.”

Him: “Pretty much.”

Me: “And the ballots or whatever you call them were irrelevant? Did they at least provide cookies? Maybe snacks?”

Him: “I didn’t go. It just doesn’t matter.”

Me: “Was, at any time, a goat sacrificed?”

Him: “This isn’t funny. Fuck those guys!”

Me: “Legally they’re entitled to ignore their members.”

Him: “Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.”

Me: “It does seem like a kick in the balls.”

Him: “I just didn’t matter. So I didn’t go. It’s long past time to leave.”

Me: “You were a rock. I didn’t see it coming.”

Him: “I’ve been inching this way for a while. They haven’t done Jack Shit. They never accomplish Jack and now my opinion means Jack. They’re not interested in doing the people’s will. They’re only interested in holding power. They haven’t made good on their promises on Obamacare even after they controlled both houses. So why should I be glad they control both houses? They only want to continue problems so they can bitch about them to get re-elected. There’s no real interest in solving anything.”

Me: “Am I missing something? Was this a straw poll? A caucus? What did you call it; a preference whatchamajigger?”

Him: “I’m unclear on the details, all I can tell with certainty is that it didn’t involve votes from people like me.”

Me: “Well you’ve been bent over by politics. Join the club. How’s it feel to be an Independent?”

Him: “If I registered Independent both parties would consider me a likely voter for them. I registered Libertarian. I want them to know they’ve lost my support.”

Me: “Sorry about that. Libertarian isn’t mainstream and you’re the last guy on earth I’d call ‘fringe’.”

Him: “I know! But my opinion (or vote if you want to call it that) just didn’t matter. I couldn’t stand knowing they’ll surely do it again next time. It’s a relief it’s over.”

Me: “God speed. If you learn the secret Ayn Rand handshake tell me all about it.”

Him: “Ugh, don’t make jokes about tinfoil hats either. I miss the Republican party.”

Me: “But…”

Him: “I didn’t leave the Republican party, the Republican party left me.”

Me: “I can see that.”

Him: “Reagan said the same thing about the Democrat party.”

Me: “No shit.”

Him: “Yes shit. Read your history redneck!”

Me: “Ha ha ha.” (Like all men, I appreciate a conversation that ends with an insult.)

After our conversation I wondered how many citizens rebelled long before my rock solid friend and how many are still working up to disengaging by November. I’ve been going vaguely, independently, and quietly Galt forever but nothing I do is ever trendsetting. Regardless nobody honestly likes their party. It’s a party’s job to listen to American citizens and not the other way around. Didn’t they cover this in civics class?

Meanwhile parties reap what they sow. Jeb Bush couldn’t clear the opening lap and Hillary is the worst product since New Coke. Her struggle against Sanders is like watching Robocop bravely hold its own against a slinky. Hillary and Jeb; three hundred million Americans and those two dipsticks were the best “the establishment” could find? Groupthink is powerfully stupid.

Luckily change is afoot (even if comes in the form of two rich obnoxious New Yorkers who began with nepotism and persist through populism). Don’t weep when stagnating parties have to be put down. In the end it’s for the best. Put another way; a brokered convention that screws Trump will definitely be a screaming shitfest but maybe America needs a screaming shitfest. Perhaps it’ll finally kill off the Stupid party and free up headspace for an effective opposition party? Lest the Dems overdose on schadenfreude, remember their convention required tear gas in ’68 and when Obama needed a black woman for the $20 bill he picked a vigilante who clung to guns and religion.


P.S. Sorry about the politics. In my next post I’ll write about bananas.

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I’m Back: Part 3: Why I Smoke In Front Of My Cat

After three days of mouselike quivering in the truck cab listening to the Evil and Stupid party jockey into mutually assured destruction I dropped all contact with “news”. I was in constant motion. I hadn’t surfed the net, listened to what the press shovels into our heads as news, or even seen a headline for weeks. I ignored my blog, deferred addressing the looming menace of tax day, and nearly forgot my name.

Just a few hours ago I resurfaced. All I needed to do was make the last leg on a multi day multi mode trip into nowhere and I’d be safe at home. I flipped on the radio. Since I’d missed over a month of electioneering surely something had changed? I wondered what progress had been made.

The Stupid party: “Trump is still doing fairly well and zillions of people like him. As Republicans we will find out why he’s popular and do the exact thing that most pisses off his supporters.”

The Evil party: “Jesus Christ, that dick Sanders totally won’t leave the anointed one (Hillary) alone. And speaking of innocent, it’s no big deal to be under FBI investigation for the eleventh time. I mean who hasn’t been subpoenaed in a bunch of compromising matters? And doesn’t everyone have a bunch of strange sources of income, questionable contacts, and wads of ill gotten gains? And when someone gives you State secrets it’s no big deal… just blab that shit everywhere. Everyone is hereby ordered to chill out and submit to the inevitable. Did we mention the flying monkeys?”

Really? All that time and expensive scheming and backstabbing and lying has done so little! Both parties, in fact the whole of the 2016 election cycle boils down to this:

“The people have spoken and we, their betters, refuse to accept it. We hereby order them to shut the hell up and do as we’ve instructed.”

That’s the “problem” with democracy (or in our case a Republic). People who have free will make decisions. Inherently some of these decisions will differ from the “elite’s” considered and proper opinion that they strenuously insist all people must hold.

I suppose it’s the mark of being elite? One is elite when they know with no reservations or doubt how other people ought to live? It’s impressive really; the complete lack of humility that accompanies their false belief that they know precisely how everyone should live their lives. I consider it a character flaw. They consider it simply the truth.

Now the people are pissed off. (Why now instead of any year in the last several decades is a mystery but it’s definitely palpable in 2016.) Meanwhile both parties have crossed the line of frustration with dipshits in flyover country and have gone all the way to disagreeing with the concept of free will itself. They can’t fuckin’ stand the citizenry. It’s ever more apparent.

How odd that it must come to this. Yet how predictable. An expanding portion of our society is personally invested in the MANAGING of others. You can call them socialists or you can call them micromanagers or you can call them busybodies or you can call them nitwits but it doesn’t have much to do with their politics. It’s all about their self announced Godlike powers. There are people who allocate for themselves the role of decider and the rest of us are presumed to be cattle. They hang out with each other and tell each other how awesome they are. They’re the fish that can’t see water. They’re walking overinflated egos in need of a pin.

And so it goes until it crosses the dumbass event horizon.

Forget about large clusterfucks like the Trumpening or Sanders’ Quixotic socialist challenge to Hillary’s Tower of Sauron. I have a funnier example. Here’s my report on the mundane stupidity that comes from people who smell their own shit and call it roses:

In a hotel room I saw ads about how smoking will kill your pets. This was meant as a self referential “joke” that was “serious”. It was also stupidity so compressed it created its own gravity.

Someone somewhere collected tax dollars. They used to force of government, including men and women with guns and scary dudes with law degrees, to get this money. (Actually they used ill gotten gains from a huge lawsuit.) Then they expended the seized fruits of someone else’s labor on manipulative ads. These ads tell me my cat will die if I light up a Camel. Suppose I want a Camel and personally experiencing lung cancer isn’t sufficient motivation to keep me away? What then? Will they shoot my ass for my own good? Will they shoot my cat?

Quite simply the kind of person that’ll spend seized funds on ads to manipulate someone’s behavior is a person who’s never considered the ethics of manipulating other people. It’s… for want of a better word… evil.

That’s the crux of it. The problem with that person and their cat saving crusade is not that they’re wrong. It’s that they’re at odds with free will.

There’s more. Stay tuned.


P.S. I wasn’t hallucinating. I found the link here. The link goes to America’s State Sponsored media, NPR. Unsurprisingly they like the ads. You expected a State Sponsored Media to say “nah, leave the people alone”? NPR knows everything about how you should live and they know it better than you. So just shut up and do as you’re told.

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I’m Back: Part 2: The Fit Hits The Shan

For several weeks I dropped out of all news content. Usually it’s a planned effort to maintain perspective while the press shrieks “Ignore the forest! Stare at all these trees!” This go round it was just the mundane chaos of life. I did the following:

  • Woke up to a flat tire. I manfully jacked up the truck and swapped tires in front of a hotel room in the middle of nowhere. As far as I can tell the entire town drank coffee and watched.
  • Miles later, approaching midnight in a crowded city in a different time zone, I drove over a nail and toasted a different tire. I called it a night and parked at the nearest hotel. Nothing says “fun” like pulling dual wheels in the snow at dawn and that’s precisely what I did.
  • Fortunately the third flat, in a third tire, in a third state… which made me start wondering if I was cursed, was in my driveway. All I had to do was roll around in chickenshit while it rained.
  • Been physically groped by the TSA, psychologically raped by overpriced hotel drinks, shoved like cattle through chutes, and emotionally battered by the psychotic monsters in a Salt Lake City terminal. Those bastards told me they had “craft beer” and then delivered a pint of 3.2 pisswater.
  • Made reservations months early, paid full freight for a flight, checked in two hours early, and still got dumped into “standby” because “fuck the customer” is apparently a valid business model.
  • Stepped on a cactus. I do not blame the cactus.
  • Ate a cactus. (It was a different one.)
  • Slipped on ice and wound up in a ditch.
  • Found a magic flashlight. (More on that later)
  • Went on an adventure. (This was actually pretty cool. Maybe I’ll mention it later. Maybe I won’t.)
  • Went to a rock concert. (This is VERY rare. The last time I saw live music was a long long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Mrs. Curmudgeon got the tickets and talked me into it. She loves me y’all!!!)
  • Worked my ass into the ground.

Stay tuned for sober reflection as I pass from unseemly chaos back into order.

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I’m Back: Part 1: The Peasants Are Revolting

Here’s the beginning of it all several weeks ago I was on the cusp of a scheduling crunch when I experienced an epic, no holds barred, evacuate the body in all directions, illness. No worries. I lived. In fact it was short, probably because an illness that nasty must necessarily be short lest it kill off it’s host instead fulfilling its cosmic duty to optimize misery.

Under such circumstances a sane man will call in sick, crawl into bed, and stay there a week. I didn’t. Literally hours later I verified most of the storm had passed and bravely (or stupidly) climbed into my truck to pursue the almighty dollar. Reflecting on the events leading up to it I figured it was even odds the trip would be a failure and I’d wind up barfing in a gutter somewhere. Of course I’d never let a fear like that stop me from completing a job.

I rolled along in my truck; a hollow shell with the constitution of a tiny little bird. No sudden moves. No scary road food. No nothing… just one man hermetically sealed and perched on eggshells in his roving security blanket; desperately hoping breakfast wouldn’t explode all over the dash. I did this for three days. Three full days of thinking… and listening to the press hyperventilate.

The radio dutifully injected stupid into my cab. America’s Pravda (NPR) took the lead but the gibbering hordes of AM were nipping at its heels. Being as weak as a mouse and driving from nowhere to nowhere I could only listen. I listened as if observing a strange alien culture from a great distance. This helps one grok the inanity of it all.

the peasants are revoltingThink back. Can you remember what was on the mind of the newsies and spinmiesters back then? Rewind a month or more of this fun filled election roller coaster. What was the panic du jour?

“Trump is winning big time and we Republicans need to stop that shit toot sweet. Perhaps we can scheme up a brokered convention whereby we take the likely holder of a plurality and kick him in his big brass balls. We’ll follow that with an ugly screaming shitfest where we draft a milquetoast loser that Hillary will grind to make her bread. We’ll even ignore competitor number two, Cruze. Why? Because we’re a foot that likes shooting itself. Nothing impresses Americans like fucking the first and second place winners in a year long marathon. They simply love it when we excrete a gutless uninspiring apparatchik on America’s plate. We sure love being the Stupid party.”

While the Stupid party was aghast at the horror of a popular candidate who can pack stadiums what was the Evil party thinking?

“Sanders has not gotten the memo that we anointed Hillary years ago. Plus, quite frankly that bitch terrifies us! What’s wrong with that dipshit? Stand up to Hillary and bad things happen. Also Sanders is building tremendous support and as Democrats we need to stop that shit toot sweet. Perhaps we can pretend that Hillary’s secret illegal server is no big deal and line up a herd of purchased superdelegate shitheads that’ll do what our idiot party voters won’t do. Doesn’t everyone realise that she must win or she’ll release the flying monkeys? We sure love being the Evil party.”

That was several weeks ago. Since then I’ve been busy. Stay tuned.

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A Video Explanation

Here’s a video of political insiders discussing the 2016 election cycle.

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I’m Back: Part 0: Life Is A Whirlwind

You know how life settles into a calm and orderly routine? Where things happen in their appointed time and each task, great or small, blends seamlessly into the greater whole? Where each day carries it’s share of peace, contentment, and relaxation?

Well I don’t! Fate has chosen 2016 as great time to send figurative Keystone cops to shove metaphorical grenades down my symbolic undershorts. I’ve been bent, folded, and spindled while events bounce around like tweakers disco dancing at a speedfreak convention during an earthquake. It’s at moments like these that a reasonable man (or yours truly who must suffice) will sit back, drink it all in, and think “what the fuck!?!”.

So… that said, and acknowledging that I’m a blogger who literally hasn’t turned on his personal (as opposed to work) computer in weeks, I recently resurfaced from a tsunami of chaos to reacquaint myself with the circular firing squad that is politics. Here’s what I’ve got to say about both parties as they ooze toward November:

“Suck it up assholes!”

In my next few posts I’ll elaborate on my reasoned thinking. Stay tuned.

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Finally! Proper Unbiased Reporting About The Election

You have to sit through a 30 second commercial but it’s worth it for some quality journalism that sums everything up properly.

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