Sammy skunk had decided that the only reason a white dog would bark at a black bear was racism. The obvious solution to such an unforgiveable sin was, in Sammy’s eyes, to ‘stink ‘em up!’
Edward eagle tried to defuse Sammy’s rage. “I don’t see how a dog can be…”
But Sammy didn’t let him finish his sentence.
“You know who else is white? Edward here, this feathery asshole in a tree, is white. Look at that head! White as snow. ‘Bald Eagle’ is not the right word, he should be called ‘White Eagle’. And that means he’s a racist eagle!”
Bart was thinking about this. They were his apples. And the dog was a racist dog. He’d been a victim of a hate crime! He was gonna’ go back there and get his apples and kick that white cracker dog’s butt. He deserved the apples because he was a bear! Fuck them all!
Edward decided to watch the rest of the show from a safer vantage point. He took flight and drifted in a circular path that approached the farm indirectly. Silently, quieter than death itself, he perched on a tall tree with a good view. Something interesting was sure to happen.
Mr. Curmudgeon was unaware of all of this. All he was aware of was that the lawn was going feral. He walked through some ankle deep grass, gave a silent nod of acknowledgment, and strode to the riding lawnmower. He had a ridiculously large lawn but, because the world is filled with irony, he arbitrarily began mowing beneath the apple tree. Edward was delighted! Ripe apples had fallen from the tree and they were getting chopped and scattered by the noisy mower. It would be hard for Bart to get a meal of them now. Excellent!
Bart and Sammy were en route to the tree but stopped at the forest’s edge. Both were shocked at the ongoing devastation. Dozens (maybe hundreds!) of apples were getting destroyed! Those bastards! It was horrific to think of all that good food that belonged to Bart being stolen!
Sammy was prepared to waddle right across the field, confront the giant roaring lawnmower, and ‘stink it up’ right there in the mid afternoon sun. Bart wasn’t sure what ‘rifle’ meant but he had seen what happened to the deer every fall. He decided to retreat. He coaxed Sammy to join him by promising they would go forth as soon as the deadly lawnmower was gone. Further he promised Sammy the eventual rampage would be of epic proportion. Only then did Sammy relent.
Is that not a cliffhanger? Stay tuned…