Cavalry Pony

I cringe in terror as I post this:

death-sparkle“FORT HOOD, Texas — Army 1st Lt. Gina Caffey, the first woman selected to attend the Maneuver Captain’s Career course in Fort Benning, Ga., is mere days away from being crushed when she discovers the tragic lack of ponies the modern Cavalry Branch offers to its female officers, sources say…”

The link which, in case you’re a total moron and haven’t figured it out yet, is satire. It was sent to me by a good friend. It led to this conversation:

Friend: “Hey A.C. I sent you a link. You’ve totally got to post it.”

Me: “Sure, I’m always up for…” click click click… “ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?”

Friend: “It’s hilarious.”

Me: “It’s got a pony. Do you have any idea how uptight the pony people are? I’ll be getting death threats in glittery font.”

Friend: “Oh c’mon.”

Me: “This is 2016, if I do anything other than genuflect at women in military combat I’m going to have to bake a gay wedding cake or something.”

Friend: “But it’s satire.”

Me: “Hillary Clinton will drone strike my server. The drone will probably be painted pink.”

Friend: “Satire.”

Me: “Fine, but if I get a bunch of nasty comments from people of indiscriminate gender who couldn’t pass boot camp but spend hours bitching about it…”

Friend: “Wimp.”

Me: “Sigh… here goes.”


About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Cavalry Pony

  1. Mark Matis says:

    She’s probably a “manly” “womyn”. And don’t be surprised if they DO have a pony for her at Fort Benning. And a groom to take care of it. After all, this IS today’s “Army”…

  2. Cloudbuster says:

    You monster!

    But, man, Death Sparkle is a hell of a name for a pony! I think I’m going to nickname one of my horses that (I have one in mind already).

  3. Robert says:

    Oh, man, yer server’s gonna crash. Summa those folks have no sense of humor.

  4. Heath J says:

    CIS SHITLORD! Or something.

    Honestly don’t understand any of their incoherent bullshit.

  5. Ray says:

    Boy, now you’ve gone and done it. It was nice knowin’ ya.

  6. Phil B says:

    Your ass is grass and the ponies (and the pony gals) are going to be muching on it …

    I foresee a hashtag campaign with you as the hate figure sometime in your IMMEDIATE future. Pah! Having a job, friends and a life is over rated anyway …

    • The awesome part is I wouldn’t even be aware of a hashtag campaign. I mean what’s that for? Twitterbook or Facepage or some shit? I could be hated with a white hot loathing right now and be missing the fun.

      • Phil B says:

        Yeah, I hate it when I’m hated and don’t know. I actually LIKE bathing in the tears of the butthurt but if I’m missing out on it, that’s … hurtful! >};o(

  7. Joel says:

    Cisnormative homophobic racist misogynism! And other neologisms I’d have to look up to make this longer and funnier! You, sir, are just completely problematic.

  8. st says:

    Try mansplaining privileged cis-hetero-normative misogynstic rape-apologist shitlord

  9. JFM says:

    I have found that I can’t read Duffle Blog every day. If I do I can hurt myself laughing too hard.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s