BACON! Whatcha Got Fer trade?

The pigs are ready for butchering. Actually it’s past due. I can always put it off one more day and that’s what I’ve been doing. The pigs like this arrangement.

(Now I’m fretting that I haven’t enough freezer space and I should have pre-sold a couple of ’em. I know; “first world problem” right? Well when the zombie apocalypse comes I’ll have  bacon with my breakfast no matter what. I’m taking appropriate action to insure this. You should too. Pigs and chickens; it’s a system dammit!)

At any rate I’m wondering if anyone is interested in trading? I’ve got pork. You know what pork is. Unquestionably, my quality is better than whatever you bought at the grocery store. Amounts and cuts can be adjusted according to offers or maybe cash can balance out uneven trades. It’s barter dammit; nothing is impossible!

I’d consider whatever you’ve got in excess for what I’ve raised in excess. It could be small and silly (a can of Billy Beer for some breakfast sausage) or large and serious (an old generator, homebrew, that kayak you never use, some tool I can’t live without, the ring of power, a Senator, the steamshovel your wife wants moved out of the yard, HAM radio junk, anything that’ll take a 6.2 Chevy engine, membership in the Illuminati, etc…).

Look at what you’ve got lying around and ask if you’d rather have ham.

If not stuff then maybe you’ve got a service to trade? (I didn’t say that kind of service! Get yer’ head out of the gutter!) I’m looking for a wooden boat repair guy and a Raspberry Pi hobbyist but I’ll consider anything. That said, if you’re a phlebotomist who speaks Latin and plays the sousaphone it’s going to be a hard sell.

If you’ve got a proposal, hit the comments. You know me by now, no idea is too goofy. The worst I can say is “no”. (If you want to communicate private information like your e-mail address drop me a line via e-mail.) We can have a quiet non-blogged parley between you, me, and the NSA.

Maybe something will work out. Maybe not. At the very least, it’s a nice idea. (Where else but on some homesteader’s blog can you could propose turning an old tractor snowplow into a mess o’ pork chops?)

As always I’ll happily deliver anywhere a Dodge can go for gas money and enough cash / trade that I’m not being an idiot. Also I travel all over. With a little advance planning I might wrap delivery into my other shenanigans. Roadtrip! Also I’ve FedExed pork and it worked flawlessly.

I’m just throwing it out there because the world is unusual and who knows what could happen? Maybe someone somewhere is wishing they could trade an old Woodmizer for a full freezer. Why shouldn’t I make their day?


P.S. #1: I don’t actually want Billy Beer; the sudsy equivalent of the AMC Gremlin. That was just a goofy example.

P.S. #2: If you’re the salmon guy. (You know who you are.) I still owe ya’ if you want a pound of bacony joy. A Curmudgeon is always happy to repay kindness.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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21 Responses to BACON! Whatcha Got Fer trade?

  1. davefreer says:

    I can offer re-phrenology (phrenology: reading personality and intellect from the bumps on your head. re-phrenology, putting the bumps in suitable places for the characteristics you would like. Works great on ducks) cheap (but the travel is expensive.) Seriously, I have just done 2 pigs worth of bacon, and the hams are curing, will smoke tomorrow. I still have sausages and brawn to make. I hope you get better offers than Billy Beer. I was given an old house for half a pig of bacon, ham and salami – which gives a rate exchange to work on (yes, I got a bargain, and yes the former owner will get bacon and ham every kill we do :-))

  2. Shango says:

    I’ve got a motor you might be interested in…
    It’s a Cummins ISC 6 Cylinder Turbodiesel, 8.4 liter, 330 HP, gazillon Ft/lbs of torque.
    220,000 miles (well under the typical 300-400K between rebuilds).
    Only issue is – you gotta pull it out of the motorhome. I understand the block weighs 1500 lbs without the ancillaries.
    Would make a great power source for a wood splitter,

  3. Ever get to the Toledo area? Ohio not Spain.

  4. Mark Matis says:

    Don’t be so hard on that “phlebotomist who speaks Latin and plays the sousaphone.” She might be a major help in dealing with your undesirable local fauna. She might convince Bowling Pin that he’s not such a pig after all. Heck, she might even safely unstack your pick-up-sticks without any fatalities! No wouldn’t that be worth a coupla pounds of bacon, man?


  5. Chris Daemon says:

    Raspberry Pi hobbiest here, more software than hardware, but the former is one of my specialities. SIdenote: I am sorry to inform you that I am fresh out of Galt’s Motors.

    • Damn, I totally need a Galt motor.

      I have a new Raspberry Pi 2. Haven’t used it much yet and I need some really simple software advice. I’ve got Raspibian and am looking to configure it as a minecraft server. (The plan being to hook an innocent child on Python before the schools create another moron.) Then also configure it to run this blog (wordpress). (The plan being to populate the internet with my BS.) I could use two different miniSDs (one for each purpose) but I assume there’s no reason why both can’t happen on same setup.

      I’m not sure how to do all that. At my current level of skill I’m like a chimp with a hammer in a room full of crystal vases.

      Care to drop a private e-mail to to hear my grovelling? I will gladly heed your wisdom.

    • Mark Matis says:

      Tell him to use that hammer on them friggin’ vases, man! This country don’t need another Caitlyn Jenner…

  6. Ken B says:

    (The plan being to hook an innocent child on Python before the schools create another moron.) Then also configure it to run this blog (wordpress). (The plan being to populate the internet with my BS.)

  7. colbrug says:

    We have pecans. This years crop looks good, but it’s not quite ready for harvest yet. That’ll probably happen about Thanksgiving so getting them for Thanksgiving pecan pie is probably out. But Christmas pecan pie, Mmmmmm. And don’t forget Green Chile Honey Roasted Pecans. I could go all Benjamin Buford Blue(Bubba) about the possibilities of pecans, but I’ll spare you.

  8. P2 says:

    I just happen to have a handful of August run silver salmon fillets I’d be happy to trade. I’ll drop ya an email…..

  9. curtmixon says:

    ive got some greenbacks I could trade ya. Nothing like real pork butt for a good stew.

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