Stand Tall / Doin’ The Anti-TSA Dance

Part 1:

Making fun of the TSA is shooting exceptionally stupid fish in an unusually small barrel. Yet here we are. It’s 2015 and rent a cops with a 95% failure rate fondle my junk at great expense while I’m en route to Disneyland. Why? Because Saudis hijacked planes 14 years ago? Let’s dispense with the pretzel logic that tries to connect those dots and move on. I have a point and I’ll get to it shortly.

A few weeks ago the Senate debated whether it should or should not continue shoving the NSA’s nose up your smartphone’s ass. Let’s cut the shit and collectively admit that nobody with a pulse believes the NSA will stop monitoring phones regardless of what’s theoretically authorized. Nobody sold the Patriot Act (pushed, I might add by a panicked Republican) based on tapping my domestic, internal, local, phone call to my wife. (I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered.)

At the time (as I fumed about the pending legislation) I found more allies among the lefty crowd (they seem to grok civil liberties but only when they’re not in power). Normally lefties consider me something like a weird but harmless bug that’s interesting but best kept out of the house. Strange bedfellows no? Neocons were ready sign anything if it meant we’d pop a cap in some Afghanistan Terrorists’ ass. They brushed off my warning that “someday your worst enemy will have these powers”. Which is ironic because the left has indeed been in power several years now and the right has spent nearly a decade whining about how the Constitution has been flushed ignored. Raise your hand if you didn’t see it coming.

So what to do? Suppose I could go back to 2001 and say “in the future the Secretary of State will run a secret communcations presence, pretty much everyone in the Middle East will be busy killing each other, and the IRS audits enemies, but America mostly frets about old guys on Wheaties boxes and gay cakes”. If you believed me and accepted this strange data, for which party would you vote?

Neither party likes my theology of “don’t create the ring of power in the first place”. Regardless of what is “authorized” or who is in power, asshattery like wiretapping and TSA’s security theater will continue. This is because we give the jerks a budget and more importantly we’re acting like wimps. Forget politics. Beyond Rand Paul, who is doomed, neither party has a shining record. Politics does not care about you, your privacy, or that which emanates from it… your dignity.

Part 2:

So what does a free man do? Here’s where I become a ray of friggin sunshine. Act like it. Become free within! Quit shoehorning yourself into the role of a subject and stand on your own hind legs like a citizen. Duh!

You should have done it long ago. Why didn’t you? Being free at heart is simply exercising the soul… get your internal lard ass off the spiritual couch. (Special shout out to TUAK and others who are weightlifters in the freedom category. They know who they are.) Also, eat your vegetables, brush your teeth, turn off the TV, and read a friggin’ book. Sheesh do I have to explain everything?

America en mass either waits for their deliverance to come from without or fades slowly into infantilized wilful helplessness. Here’s a hint, Captain America isn’t going to ride in on his motorcycle and kick the NSA’s ass so I implore every deskbound spaz out there to suit up and buy their own motorcycle. Furthermore if you think you’ve got nothing to hide so you’ve got nothing to fear you’re already seriously weakened of mind and heart; go ahead and flop on the fainting couch with half of Europe.

As for the rest of us. Try this mental exercise. Picture this guy.

John Wayne as Tom Doniphon, a man who will not let you search his bags at the airport. Also pictured, James Stewart as Ransom Stoddard, a man who actually read and obeys the Constitution. (Every time a person views this image God kills two lobbyists and gives a politician hemoroids.)

Now picture this guy going through his luggage.

Welcome to Newark Mr. Wayne, get off your horse and come over here. (Link to image here.)

You think the Duke would let the TSA mess with him? I say no. (For that matter neither would that overgrown boyscout, James Stewart.) They would tell the TSA to take a hike not because they were terrorists but because they were free men.

Am I suggesting you’ve to swagger around like a cowboy? Not really. (Though that would be awesome.) Instead I’m barking that none of us should go quietly into that dark night. Whether it’s a bully in the local zoning board, some dweeb in the NSA, or the damn president, if you are an American it’s time to exercise your right and obligation to be obstreperous. It takes practice to be a pain in the ass. Don’t let those skills atrophy.

Part 3:

Why am I mentioning this today? Because I’m several thousand miles from home and yet I just plunked down cash to fuel my truck and roared past an airport that could have taken me home. All they got from me was the figurative one fingered salute of an obstreperous citizen who isn’t about to let the TSA noodle about in his crotch.

The road into the airport is clogged with shuttles and buses stuffed with hollow businessmen about to be groped… there’s no lack of TSA’s hamsters. But not me. I used to fly often. Now I don’t. How did this happen? Rewind a few years into the past. I was standing in a line at an airport. Hundreds of people, young and old, big and little, smart and dumb, lined up in perfect obeisance. Kids handed over teddy bears, women let men rifle through their purses, men slipped off belts and fretted over pocket knives. It was all smooth and orderly.

Waiting in line I fumed. When it came to the big Orwellian pervo-scan I opted out and it didn’t even cause a hicckup in the system. They sighed and did a very professional search. It was all quiet and orderly. Nobody caused a fuss. Nobody made a scene. Everyone was quiet and avoided eye contact with their blue gloved inquisitors. Americans had been trained.

I decided then and there that I was done. I was not going to continue marching in perfect harmony through the perv-scan, past the luggage scrutinizer, and straight onto the aerial cattle car du jour. Sometimes a man needs to look at a situation and say “Fuck it… I’m out”.

I could have flown today. It would have been (modestly) faster. I refused. My alternative wasn’t without effort. The trip took a little longer. My ass is sore from the dually’s suspension. I had to eat at McDonalds and stay in a shoddy hotel. But was it terribly difficult? Nope. It was pretty easy. Plus there are other benefits; the scenery was nice, I got to meet some interesting people, I had time to think.

More to the point, I made a choice and deliberately dodged a certain amount of bureaucratic bullshit simply because you don’t screw with the Duke’s saddlebags. I have nothing to hide but a man and his truck is freer than a subject strapped in a tiny seat begging for a bag of peanuts.

It’s worth it.


About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Stand Tall / Doin’ The Anti-TSA Dance

  1. I delivered a truck to Florida from Iowa about 10 years ago. I had to return home on a plane, never again. I had one suitcase that I checked after I put my pocket knife and Zippo in in. What bullshit. Back in the 70’s, I carried a handgun onto a plane and handed it to the pilot. When we got to the destination, he gave it back. How much farther are we going to fall?

    • “How much farther are we going to fall?”

      I don’t know but it’s already much further than I thought people would go. Maybe there were people in Russia that wondered the same question for decades?

      I though perv-scan would be a deal breaker in the US but it wasn’t. My limit wasn’t anything particularly exceptional. I just realized that my peers were marching lockstep through a degrading system as if they’d been trained to do it (which they had) and if I consented to the same treatment then apparently I’d be fully trained too.

      I’ll still fly if it’s an emergency. I find that’s not very often though.

  2. cspschofield says:

    The TSA is the perfect example of what you get when a large mass of people demand that the Government “Do Something” about a situation where nothing sensible can be done. After 9/11 anybody with a moiety of his marbles knew that the next bunch of clowns (of whatever political agenda) that tried to take over a plane full of U.S. citizens was going to get dog-piled , and would arrive at the flight’s destination in somewhat used condition.

    • At 9:57 am that very day we knew what to do. The fourth and last hijacked plane, Flight 93, did not harm anybody on the ground. Americans can and did rise to the challenge rather than sitting around hoping for help from without.

      • cspschofield says:

        And the Political Class stuffed that down the memory hole as fast as ever they could. I mean, they want to forget the whole 9/11 attack and go back to treating Islamic nitwits like people you can reason with, but they stuffed Flight 93 down FIRST. The idea that ordinary citizens might, absent direction from their Betters or intervention from a (mythological) hero, manage for themselves must TERRIFY the Statist bastards.

  3. Iam Wendy says:

    I have taken your road, Sir, and it definitely IS worth it. No airports (unless it’s a small plane outside of the TSA’s grasp). Invited to a baseball game this last weekend… NOPE. I do not consent to search. Got a jury duty questionnaire… get me to the jury room in a different way because — I do not consent to search. I am done: I am free.

  4. Joe Mahoney says:

    I am with you sir. I made the same decision myself in 2002. On the return flight from MN to Vegas I has a pair of toe nail clippers stolen and dangerous water bottle taken because the seal was cracked slightly. Being an EMT there was a medical emergency during there flight and i ended up spending the flight having to work with a nurse to take care a man having a heart attack causing our flight to make emergency landing in Denver. After this the nurse and myself were chewed out by the air marshal? We were told that Medical people need to identify themselves to the crew before boarding? The fact that we did not could have cost this man his life. We were both pissed off and I decided to never fly again have not done it.

    • Unlike the air marshal, I appreciate your good deed. What a meathead!

      • cspschofield says:

        Is it just me, or does it strike anyone else that Air Marshal is a combination of Airhead and Marshal? I’ve known a couple of people in the U.S. Marshal service, and they were good took. I’ve never seen or hear of an Air Marshal who didm’t seriously need deflating.

  5. Wolfman says:

    I myself put several hundred miles under my wheels this week as well. When an airline decides that they should charge me an exorbitant amount of money to sit in an overglorified greyhound bus in the sky, the TSA views me as a potential terrorist and a threat, and both of them act like they are doing ME a FAVOR, they can well and truly get stuffed and bent. I have one flight schedule for the next few months- that flight is a short hop back to my homeland where I will be driving home in a ’67 Chrysler, which I will be filling with 92 octane non-ethanol fuel and driving like I stole the thing in 1967, because FREEDOM, DAMMIT! And if I die on road, my next of kin knows damn well to bury me with my boots on.

  6. Steve says:

    xRecently, my wife and I went through TSA security. They stopped my 70 year old wife because her bra underwire set off the magnetometer. They also confiscated her bandage scissors (blunt edges) and thermostat, a harmless instrument used to stop bleeding. She is a nurse. They made her take off her shoes and x rayed her. While this was going on, a 70 inch tall person in a full Burka was waived through without the least cursory exam. No magnetometer wave, no x rays and no frisking. No touching at all. It did not surprise me that the TSA failed 95% of its challenges. Its only purpose is to intimidate and inconvenience decent people and to provide jobs for those the government wishes to favor.

  7. Richard says:

    If I could turn back time I would go to October 8, 2010 at KBOS. Then and there is where the jackboots confiscated my brand new unopened 33.8 oz bottle of mouthwash. When the gal explained they were taking it I reach for the bottle as I said I might as well take a swig of it. The gal smacked my hand because I had the temerity to reach across the folding table set between us. And I let her.
    Yes, I have dozens of other similar encounters with the Totally Stupid Assholes…and I’m a pilot! With security clearance and back ground checks.

    I am ashamed for what we have let happen to our country. It is a million small inconveniences each day and not acting in reprisal of such things as taking a bottle of mouthwash. Join me to say NO MORE!

    Taking back the country for the cause of freedom will require effort. Even the inconvenience of a missed flight must be endured if we are to win the day. Already there are missed flights due to booking errors or adverse weather. Those inconveniences are tolerated because the causes are out of our control. But what if the cause was because we chose to stand up to the thugs. Let’s make it a national sport. The water cooler banter turns to boasting of yeah, I missed my flight but you shoulda seen those suckers squirm. (high five, dude)

  8. ASM826 says:

    There’s another obvious, glaring fact in all this. The airlines are a marginal business. For all the airports and planes, flying is expensive, fuel costs are astronomical, and airplanes need to be flying at or near capacity to be profitable.

    If just a percentage of people would opt out, let the seats go empty, we could use the marketplace to put a stop to this foolishness.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s