Medicinal Latte (Noun) – A type of drink one orders when they desperately need caffeine topped with six kinds of sugar. As implied by the term ‘medicinal’ these concoctions should be used in moderation. They’re habit forming, expensive, and when consumed in excess they may lead to pretension and goatees. They’re best reserved for moments when you’re so fully exhausted that paying $4 to have a pierced pseudo-intellectual spray whip cream on perfectly good coffee seems logical. (See also: medicinal liquor, recuperative beer)
I’ve been on the road seemingly forever and thus unable (
unwilling? uncaring? unmotivated?) to post. For those who’ve noticed my absence… I was not killed by a tractor or a badly felled tree. Thanks for asking.
Today I was exhausted to the core. I stopped to get a medicinal latte. Usually they ask your name so they know to whom the drink must be delivered. Then they carry on like making an espresso is rocket science and you get a chance to relax and jack into the wifi.
This time they nodded and sent me off like my name didn’t matter. How would they recognize me when it was done? Who cares! I was so tired it didn’t seem relevant.
I waded through a throng of hipsters staring at their iPads and teenage proto-hipsters mainlining smartphones, found an empty chair (nicely stuffed!), dropped my little pile of “food” on a table, and slumped back like I’d been shot. I zoned out a bit and apparently fell asleep.
When I came to the drink was right next to me. Awesome!
Then I noticed the clue on the receipt.
There you have it, I’m officially a superhero… the lamest one ever.