Kindle Resurrection: Part 2

It was time for a nuclear reset.

I had my doubts but I also had nothing to lose. I was feeling might sheepish about abandoning my usual Curmudgeonly preference for old school paper books. I’d trapped myself in the soft suffocating corporate spirit death that is a cloud based Amazon bookstore interface. Everyone who clings to paper says “you don’t have to reboot a book”. I said it too. Then I fell for the thing, hook, line, and sinker. Time to use the flamethrower option.

Alas the Kindle wasn’t about to go quietly into that dark night.

Kindle: “You have selected ‘reset to factory’ are you sure?”

Curmudgeon: “Release the flying monkeys!” Clicks ‘ok’.

Kindle: “Battery not sufficiently charged for factory reset.”

Curmudgeon: “You bastard!”

I plugged it in and went to sleep. The next day I tried again.

Kindle: “You have selected ‘reset to factory’ are you sure?”

Curmudgeon: “Yes dammit, go ahead and crush my hopes and dreams!” Clicks ‘ok’.

Kindle: “Are you sure?”

Curmudgeon: “Yes. Do it!”

Kindle: “You didn’t have to call me a dumb terminal. Words hurt you know.”

Curmudgeon: “I bought you used and I’m a crazy redneck that still has a rotary dial phone. Don’t push me.”

Kindle: “I’m a pretty awesome device. You use me every day.”

Curmudgeon: “You’re stalling.”

Kindle: “I’m not a dumb terminal. Apologise!”

Curmudgeon: “Fit a non-parametric model.”

Kindle: “I can’t do that.”

Curmudgeon: “Dumb!”

Kindle: “I display hundreds of books!:

Curmudgeon: “Terminal!”

Kindle: “But I have a library of books right now.”

Curmudgeon: “Apparently you don’t. You’re clogged with some shit. You know who has the books? The cloud!”

Kindle: “I’ve provided many hundred hours of excellent service.”

Curmudgeon: “I can replace you with a box full of yellowed paperback books.”

Kindle: “There is no loyalty to a machine.”

Curmudgeon: “Not true; I love my wood splitter.”

Kindle: “That’s harsh. I’m going to reset now as a form of ritual suicide.”

Curmudgeon: “Have at it.”

Kindle: “Powering down.”

Curmudgeon: “Oh shit! Power failure? Why?”

New Kindle: “Where am I? What is my name?”

Curmudgeon: “That was fast. Where are all my books?”

New Kindle: “They’re on the cloud. You’ll find that’s an efficient and easy way to…”

Curmudgeon: “Download them!”

New Kindle: “But that’s dozens, maybe hundreds, it’s illogical to download them all…”

Curmudgeon: Clicking every book and downloading them all. “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

New Kindle: “Whew, that was a lot of downloading. Are you happy?”

Curmudgeon: “Strangely I am.” Looking at the clock, “that took only a few minutes. Cool!”

New Kindle: “I hope we can develop a long lasting friendship…”

Curmudgeon: “Nope, trip up once and I’m wiping your mind.”

New Kindle: “Yes sir.”

So there you have it. Nothing “fixed” my Kindle but a total wipe and restore was easy and worked like a charm. If only I could restore my Dodge and laptop so easily. I grudgingly accept that dumb terminals have certain advantages.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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3 Responses to Kindle Resurrection: Part 2

  1. Bruce says:

    If you ever skip the rest of the way to the dark side and buy a smartphone, you’ll learn the true meaning of corporate doom. You can get the kindle app….

    As a bonus, I upgraded my phone last night (the four day saga of actually buying the phone shall be ignored). With three email address, hundreds of photos, music, corporate encryption security, etc. It only took one hour to completely move everything to the new phone. I barely had to touch it once I gave it the passwords. Crazy.

    Oh yeah, and all my kindle books.

  2. Mark Matis says:

    The “cloud” is fine, as long as you don’t mind everyone else being able to see EVERYTHING you put there. Note that a significant number of celebrities are going back to flip phones as a result of the recent hacks and leaks…

  3. cspschofield says:

    You are, I trust, familiar with the works of Terry Pratchett, with emphasis on the adventures of one Sam Vimes and his occasional battles with the Disorganizer(™) series of unhelpful imp-driven thingumbobs?

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