The butcher is a man who’s schedule is a combination of ruthless efficiency and utter lack of flexibility. You must call weeks ahead for an appointment. The appointment will invariably be in an inconvenient time. You smile and accept this because a butcher, unlike a doctor or lawyer, is both an artisan and an important pillar of society. We need him!
Unfortunately, Foxinator’s fencing didn’t have room to put the trailer in the pig pen and it didn’t have fences to “route” the pigs up a ramp. Plus, her pigs were acting like assholes.
Foxinator: “Hi everyone. Here’s the trailer, please step in.”
Pig A: “Screw you!”
Pig B: “I fear everything…..aaaauuuuuugggghhhh.”
Foxinator: “Look I’ve got yummy treats. I put them in the trailer. Cmon’ it’ll be great.”
Pig C: “Oh yeah, you gonna’ make me? I’ll kick your ass!”
Pig D: “Fight! Fight! Fight!”
Foxinator: “Look guys it’s for a nice ride. You’ll like it.”
Pig A: “You’re just the man holding us back!”
Pig E: “Charge!!!!!”
It would soon devolve into pandemonium; some pigs would be in the pen, others escaped to the lawn, some got lost in the trailer, others wandered around the barn, one was clearly trying to steal the car, another surreptitiously racked up long distance phone bills, etc… Things would get knocked over, fences got messed up. Squealing was heard. Life sucked.
Finally the phone call was made:
Butcher: “Bills Meat Butchery and Scented Candle Emporium… I’m in a damn hurry so speak fast.”
Foxinator: “I can’t get the pigs to you today.”
Butcher: “Are you insane?!? I’m on a tight schedule. This will have repercussions. Deep repercussions.”
Foxinator: “The pigs won’t get on the trailer.”
Butcher: “Try harder!”
Foxinator: “They’re running amok. One just took all the beer out of the fridge. Another one is surfing porn on my computer. Three are chasing the cat and the dog is chasing a fourth. I think they’re planning a road trip to the liquor store. One is smoking Pall Malls and the other is making pipe bombs. What do I do?”
Butcher: “Your appointment this week is cancelled. Try again next week. Same time. Exactly the same time! Not one minute later!”