Ferguson Fluffers

The press this week has been so removed as to be from a different planet. They’re getting the vapors over Ferguson. They made Ferguson. Who panics when they succeed in what they were trying to do?

It’s as if I spent all week stacking a cord of wood and then flipped out. “There’s a goddamn pile of wood right on the lawn! How could that happen? What are the root causes of all this freakin’ wood? What shall the Government, which is the solution to all things, do to remove the horrible wood problems which plague the innocent lawn?

It’s pretty much a law of nature. The press eggs on the free shit army until it is firmly fastened on the teat of the race warriors, then people steal shit and someone burns down an Autozone. What’s new about that?

I can’t take it seriously because, for a certain portion of America, riot is their amusement. You can tell it’s a game. There are Americans who’ve “attended” riots like others might attend a sporting event or maybe a rock concert. The rest of us have work to get done. For example, I need to stack firewood on the lawn.

I don’t riot and even if I thought the whole world was against me I wouldn’t burn down a building filled with spark plugs. Even if I was trapped and desperate. Even if Al Gore was charging at me from the left; mounted on his magic Unicorn of wishful thinking and brandishing his +1 Lance of Moral Superiority. Even if Vladimir Putin was stripping down and oiling up his pecks and preparing to get Orwellian on me. Even then it wouldn’t pop into my head that the solution was to torch the place where the Chilton repair manuals live. That’s target selection failure which  reminds me of Steve Martin shouting “he hates these cans“.  I guess that makes me boring.

I’ll take Ferguson rioters seriously when they behave seriously. Even if “the man” really is keeping you down, you won’t find “the man” stacking fan belts. Call me when they deliberately toast the capital. That happened in the war of 1812. Britain wanted overthrow the reining power and they were serious about it. So they showed up with an Army, marched to the capital, and flattened America’s seat of power. They didn’t come over here to make a lot of noise and burn up a delicatessen.

Shit’s not real until it’s really shit. Ferguson is sad and there’s nothing good about pain, violence, and arson, but it’s mostly just people crapping in their own litterbox. ‘Nuff said about that.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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16 Responses to Ferguson Fluffers

  1. fivel laser says:

    stupid people acting stupidly. so where exactly is the news?

    • PJ says:

      In fact that describes both Wilson and Brown. Who could have predicted what stupidity would have resulted? I’m shocked, shocked.

  2. Bryan says:

    “Even if Al Gore was charging at me from the left; mounted on his magic Unicorn of wishful thinking and brandishing his +1 Lance of Moral Superiority”

    Your inner nerd is showing.. Great Post!

    • I absolutely have no idea what a d20 is.

      • Anonymous says:

        D20 Cat? I don’t see anything about it in comments so I’m guessing it’s in one of the links I also didn’t read. Ooohh, ooohh, that’s how I’d riot- in the driver’s seat of a big honkin’ piece of machine with a big blade on the front. Flatten everything that’s an obstacle to my version of Social Justice. BWAAHAAHAA!

  3. Evan Price says:

    How much money do you think Obama will want the Federal Government to spend rebuilding Ferguson after his best effort to incite a race war succeeded?

  4. Albert says:

    It does show that if you are a small business owner, “looks like Ferguson” needs to be added to the list of places not to set up shop in. Right behind “the West coast”, “anywhere with Mafia traditions”, and “on land that Harry Reid might want to trade to the Chinese.”

    • I can’t imagine rebuilding a business after a riot. It’s a big world out there and rebuilding where the locals burned you out is just silly. Shame about California’s status as a “dead zone”. Such beautiful geography but I’d never consider a business there. Same with many other locales.

      • PJ says:

        Beautiful geography? When I think California I think brown, fire-prone hills covered with McMansions, and parking lots on the Interstate.

      • Nope. California has some of the greatest land in America and even the whole planet. It’s a large place and has a little bit of everything. It just goes to show that people can make an heaven of hell and hell of heaven (with respect to John Milton). Meanwhile, North Dakota, which started as a frozen wasteland with nothing but grass and boredom, is cranking the nation’s economy and slowly kicking OPEC in the balls.

    • Mark says:

      Or a place that is lower than sea level and gets hit with HUGE GIGANTIC hurricanes with monotonous regularity?

    • MaxDamage says:

      “Anywhere with Mafia traditions” is perhaps not a great place to set up a loading dock or horse-racing track, but for restaurants it’s a positive boon. It is an odd fact that Omaha seems to be the place east coast Mafia go to when they retire. There are a number of fantastic restaurants in the Italian neighborhoods where the food is great, the crime is nonexistent, and police don’t seem to be around. Two blocks away and you’re on your own. When you see an 80 year-old man driven to lunch by a couple of 300lbs “nephews”, all wearing suits that cost more than I earn in a day, as a business owner you do not need be concerned with the attitude of the local rent-a-mob.

  5. richardcraver says:

    As usual you nailed it.
    I look at the TV, shake my head and think and say out loud, “Where you idiots going to buy groceries at now. Where you gonna get gas for your car. Oh wait! Your neighbor burned your car! I guess you’ll have to take the hoof express to the next town, you won’t get a taxi to come within 25 miles of that pile of ashes.”

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