Mrs. Curmudgeon here. For those of you who have not been following the saga of The Cats at Curmudgeon Compound – catch the hell up! Cat Mafia, I Have Defeated the Cat Mafia, Chipmunk Wars 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Chipmunk Wars: Useless Cat Update, Best Sales Pitch Ever, and Cat Update.
The two cute kittens from the Cat Mafia article are no longer around. Why? well, the first one, after leaving several accidents around the house, one of which I stepped in with my bare feet, decided she was ready to be evicted. She stared me straight in the eye while scratching in a freshly cleaned litterbox, hung her ass over the side, still staring me defiantly in the eye, and pissed directly on the floor. Hell No! Welcome to life as an outdoor cat. P.S. the current outdoor cats are going to see you as an interloper and beat your ass! You deserve it. Epitaph – disappeared two weeks after eviction. Packed up and left after outdoor cats explained territorial boundaries or eaten by coyotes – you decide.
Kitten number two was the useless indoor cat from the Chipmunk Wars. She stayed on until the vicious killer cat from hell came to Curmudgeon Compound as a result of the best sales pitch ever. Killer cat lived up to her reputation by trying to kill everything under 4 feet tall. We found mouse parts, bagel parts, a half-starved demoted auxiliary back-up cat, pieces of MRE, and a lot of garlic powder. She was a complete destructive force that also sat on your lap and purred, however, she was not content with a domestic domain. She ran out of things to kill too quickly, she got bored and started wreaking havoc – stealing food, breaking dishes, killing furniture, having outrageous beer parties with biker gangs whenever we weren’t at home. Something had to be done!
Meanwhile we had recently lost an outdoor cat, Short Ears (ears lost to frostbite) aka Pirate Cat (eye lost to coyote attack) aka Zombie Cat (eye creepily regenerated, but that’s another story) to ahh…natural causes. I am absolutely sure it had a heart attack and fell right in those tire tracks. The weather was getting warmer and Curmudgeon’s temper was getting shorter. Killer cat became an outdoor cat because of her bad girl attitude and the useless auxiliary back-up cat soon followed and immediately disappeared under suspicious circumstances. Killer cat showed great prowess for running the farm. Three steps out the door she took on our large grey tom that is built like a prize fighter, thumped him good, chased him up a tree and then took a nap under said tree trapping him there for a good long while. She had a penchant for chasing the chickens, but if she ever killed any she did not leave any evidence. One night when the kid was feeding the chickens he could not get killer cat to leave the coop. He decided to lock her in with the chickens for the night. I believe this offended the cat because in the morning she sauntered out of the chicken coop, gave a disdainful hate-filled stare to one and all, and left the premises never to be seen again. Apparently we were not worthy.
As winter started to approach this year and the mice started moving in from the fields we decided to get a new lap sitting cat. We found a kitten in the early fall that has worked out quite well. She defecates in the correct place, she sits on your lap and purrs when she feels like it, and she actually catches mice. In fact she must have sensed her job performance was under review because while I was writing this post she has brought me no less than eight mice, five dead and three mortally wounded. Good Kitty!