Captain’s Log, Monday:
10:01 am: AAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHHH!
10:02 am: I have abruptly pulled over to the side of the highway. Something has gone suddenly and catastrophically wrong. I would have wet myself but I lacked the presence of mind to do so. Excuse me while I pry my hands from the steering wheel.
10:03 am: After careful consideration I have decided to calmly exit the vehicle instead of my initial impulse which is to leap out of the window while the truck was still moving.
10:04 am: I have safely exited the driver’s compartment of the now stationary truck. I have walked very slowly and carefully to a safer portion of the median, and then commenced to pondering the universe, my place in it, and the mind numbingly insanity of traveling faster than I can peddle a Huffy.
10:05 am: I have decided to verbally express my angst. AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!
10:06 am: Am I done?
10:07 am: Nope! AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHH!
10:08 am: OK. Things are looking better. Heart rate has dropped all the way to 250 beats per millisecond.
10:09 am: Nope… not rational yet. AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!
10:10 am: OK. Now I’m ready to think. What do I think? I think “What the fuck just happened?” What do I conclude? “I have no idea.”