Corporal Klinger and Phil Robertson

My television has been awash in “alternate sexual lifestyles” as long as I can remember. There was a man in drag prancing around on my black and white set in 1972.

He's the one on the right.

He’s the one on the right.

Fifteen years ago, when dinosaurs ruled the world, Will and Grace ran out of straight men for casting.

The cast of Will & Grace. Guess which of the male characters is gay. Trick question; they're both gay.

The cast of Will & Grace. Guess which of the male characters is gay. Trick question; they’re both gay.

Lets not forget this little bastard trying to score pre-marital hanky panky on the big screen. Have the censors been alerted?

Charlie Chaplin; smokin hot stud of 1925.

Charlie Chaplin; smokin hot stud of 1925.

None of this shocked me. Why? Because I never expected everyone to be like me (in life or in fiction). Time for a Curmudgeonly Gem of insight:

“If you expect everyone to be exactly like you. You’re either an idiot or a bully; often both.”

Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty fame, appears to be a religiously devout redneck in real life. That’s pretty much what he acts like on his show. Which tells me he’s as good an actor as Keanu Reeves.

Tragically, Phil Robertson was overlooked during the casting of Will and Grace.

Tragically, Phil Robertson was overlooked during the casting of Will and Grace.

I’m not like Kilinger. I’m not a Korean war draftee of Lebanese descent. I’m not like the guy from Will and Grace. I’m not a lawyer. I’m not like Charlie Chapin. That guy was a freakin’ genius and I don’t even have a cool hat. I’m not like Phil Robertson. I’m not rich and I can barely hit a grouse, much less a duck.

I can live with that. After all, what kind of narcissistic jackoffs would expect everyone to be like them? Oh yeah, that would be the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD). Just like I felt defamed by a cross dresser in the Korean war and an urbane lawyer who couldn’t heft a chainsaw with a crane… GLAAD felt defamed by a devout redneck duck hunter who had the audacity to paraphrase the new testament. Oh right… silly me. I didn’t mind Kinger and Will. It’s GLAAD that went all pitchforks and torches. I guess they missed that whole “tolerance” movement.

I can see how that happens. Time for a Curmudgeonly Gem of Insight:

“It takes a certain level of maturity to co-exist with people (and apparently fictional characters) who aren’t exactly like oneself. Not everyone has reached that bar. Pity them for they aren’t yet ready for adulthood.”

GLAAD protested. Why? Well they can’t stand that Phil is unlike them. There’s a word for this. It’s called ‘intolerant’. When you’re intolerant, diversity looks like a problem. The only tool in their repertoire is protesting. So they protested.

“To protest against a person due to his religious views, and to do it in the the name of ‘tolerance’ makes no sense. It’s like eating steak in the name of vegetarianism.”

The Arts & Entertainment network, a company rooted in the same Hollywood that invented Klinger and Will, folded in a heartbeat. They “suspended” Phil Robertson from his families’ show.

Here’s where things got interesting. Apparently the Robertson family isn’t pretending to be devout; they are. Paper tiger, meet brick wall. I made popcorn and waited for the second act.

The Robertsons said “without Phil there is no show” and prepared to take their huge hit show back to Louisiana where they could hunt ducks and count their money in peace. A&E would be left in a three way popularity race with MSNBC and leprosy.

A&E, discovered something. Corporations exist to make money. No matter how much they’d like to propagandize with synthetic moral superiority it doesn’t pay. Money talks and bullshit walks.

Time for a delicious quote from the Guardian:

“The length of an ‘indefinite’ ban from filming for an outspoken star of the hit reality series Duck Dynasty has been revealed, and it is zero days.”

“Tolerance” witch hunts are as revolting as they are self-contradictory. Someone had to stand up to them. It took a religious duck hunting redneck to remind us how it’s done. As a mature human being who thinks Hollywood is darned near bereft of creativity, I appreciate it.


P.S. I don’t (as in never) have cable so A&E didn’t risk it’s ratings by pissing me off. Then again I did buy a Duck Dynasty t-shirt a few months ago and I wouldn’t have used a Will and Grace lunchbox if it was free. Like I said, money talks and bullshit walks.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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4 Responses to Corporal Klinger and Phil Robertson

  1. davefreer says:

    Bravo. I am reminded of L. Sprague de Camp’s classic piece on religious intolerance in ‘Lest Darkness Fall’ – I paraphrase but I have read it too many times. ‘We Orthodox won’t put with this religious persecution forever, you know.’
    Padway: ‘But I thought the Goths enforced freedom of religion.’
    ‘Exactly! We’re not allowed to burn heretics any more.’

    It’s persecution and intolerance when it’s being done to you, and your right when you’re doing to others? Seems to me the modern left has lost the point, tolerance is ‘I disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’

    And I might say as a living-off-the-land guy, I never turn down ‘free’. You can always use it. A will and grace lunchbox is the perfect thing for scraping out droppings from the chicken roost.

  2. Tennessee Budd says:

    When A&E did what they did, I laughed. They proved again that they just don’t get real people. The Robertsons are country, they’re Christians, & they’re Southerners. The first two mystify the elite: throw in the third, & they might as well’ve just arrived from Io.
    I knew they’d close ranks. To (very broadly) paraphrase Charlie Daniels, we may fight amongst ourselves, but you outside folks are invited to fuck off & die. The family was already rich, by their own hands. Duck Commander is a multi-million-dollar business. They don’t need A&E; the network needs them.
    I’ve never had cable, either. I’ve only seen it in hotels when on onsites, & when recovering from surgeries a few years ago. I was not persuaded to spend my own money to get access.
    If you don’t have time to get on the bike, make time for it! If you’re like me, you’ll remember that it’s therapy. You’ll be nicer to those around you, & it clears the mind wonderfully. Life is often hard: give yourself time to get your head straight–& I know no better way. You never see a bike in a shrink’s patient parking lot, for a reason.

  3. PJ says:

    Here is a little article I wrote about tolerance:

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