A Bread Experiment Gone Wrong?

I love bread makers.  I use ’em hard and tend to wear them out.  (Like many things bread machines are built shitty and cheap… I think most of them get used only rarely.)

Usually I mill my own flour from grain (huzzah!) but sometimes I get lazy.  Recently I bought  “Honey Wheat Bread And Roll Mix” from Provident Pantry.  (A company that’s usually excellent.)  I intended it as a shortcut for making bread in my machine.

The instructions had no provision for bread makers.  Their usually excellent and informative web site doesn’t even admit that bread makers exist.  I called their info hotline and got a well informed young man who almost died when I asked about break machine use.  Seriously, he almost crawled out of the phone trying to avoid saying anything about bread machines or their alleged utility for theoretically making bread should such a question arise in some other dimension or hypothetical parallel universe.

Am I missing something?  Are bread machines the mark of evil in Mormon philosophy?  Is there not one overworked suburban mom in all of Utah who doesn’t have two hours to screw around kneading?  Dammit I know they’ve got electricity.  Why not **&%$% appliances?  (If he’d said, the “stuff we sold you won’t work with a bread machine and don’t even try” that would have been a straightforward and acceptable answer.)

Anyway I just applied the “fuck it… let’s see what happens” approach.  I measured the stuff according to hand kneading recipe and dumped it in the machine.  Twenty minutes later I came back to hear my machine’s motor making irregular sounds.  The bread dough looked just right but the little motor was having trouble mixing the dough?  Maybe it’s thicker than usual recipes?

If my bread machine dies I’m gonna’ be bummed out.  I don’t buy appliances lightly and they’re not cheap and trendy like they used to be.  (Sometimes you can find them used but the supply is dwindling and half the time they’re missing the pan or the little plastic paddle.)

I added more water and it spun freely… making what appeared to be glue.  Is this good or bad?

Then I added some flour and the glue turned into wet cement.  This can’t be good?


Right now the machine is on pause while it goes through a “rise” cycle.  I’m not sure where this experiment is going.  Could be good bread.  Could be a blown motor.

Wish me luck.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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14 Responses to A Bread Experiment Gone Wrong?

  1. davefreer says:

    Um. As the guy with 4 bread machines, all of which work (one needs a circlip when I get around to it) All of which get used at once (I make dough, rather than bread, and bake for a week, and freeze – bread on the island is 4 dollars a loaf.) glues is probably not good. You need roughly 1 and 1/4 cups of liquid +2 tablespoons of oil ( so call it 340 ml of liquid) to 3 and a 1/4 cups of flour. + salt and sugar and yeast – none of which affect powder to liquid ratio much to get the ideal consistency. You’re mathematically competent – adapt your machine size. 🙂

  2. oltanker says:

    Sticking to a ratio that works with my machine, it seems that about 2:1 works well. That’s two cups of flour to one cup of liquid. Past that, everything is incidental. If the flour is old or especially dry, a smidge more liquid won’t hurt.

  3. Anonymous says:

    So you got Breaking Bread?

  4. Helen says:

    Dear Mr. Curmudgeon ,
    That is not how you make bread. First get your starter ( you have a starter? No? It only takes a week or so). Ok, mix some starter with equal amount of flour and warm/hot water ( about a cup each) set aside on the counter for 8-10 hours. Refeed your starter (milk and flour).
    Decide what kind of bread you want to make, rye, wheat, potato, or something else.
    Mix 1-2 part specialty flour with 4-5 parts plain flour, add salt, baking soda, a little sugar (don’t forget caraway seeds if you are making rye). Add a glug of oil to the starter mix ( add an egg if making potato bread). Mix the dry ingredient to the wet and knead for 10-15 minutes, add more flour if needed. Shape your loaf(s) cover with oiled waxed paper and let rise
    When bread is risen, heat oven to 375 and bake for 35-40 minutes, allow to cool in a towel , place in your bread bag (the bread will keep for 4-5 days, unless it is eaten sooner)
    Then you repeat process
    Have a really nice day

  5. Anonymous says:

    As a Mormon, I like bread machines. My wife, however, prefers to do it with a KitchenAid mixer.

  6. Raven says:

    It may or may not qualify as “no hassle” bread, when all is said and done.

    I agree with Mrs. Anonymous: I use my KitchenAid. I bake all our bread products, and bake every day… but I work for myself, so I can do that.

  7. Judy says:

    I take bread making one step further. I make no-knead bread. Fifty percent fresh ground flours to fifty percent bread flour. Stir it up, cover the bowl and let it go. It has proven to give me the best quality loaf so far.

  8. Tennessee Budd says:

    I’ve had my main bread machine (West Bend) for about 12 years, & it still works despite me. Left to me by an ex-gf (who never used it). I have discovered that Goodwill apparently has a regular robotic shuttle to the Planet of Forlorn, Ownerless Bread Machines. Goodwill (at least the 2 stores nearest me) always have at least 3 for sale, often in great (read:barely used/misused) shape, generally for about $6. Catch them on this-color-tag-half-off day & you get ’em for $3. I’ve turned the unsuspecting on to them for several years. Whatever my evil plan is, it’s working; I now know several folks who’ve sworn off store-bought.

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