The Worlds Only Rational Man pointed me to a delightful quote:
“The society which scorns excellence in plumbing as a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy: neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.”
John W. Gardner, Secretary of Health Education and Welfare under JFK and author of “Excellence.”
I’d never heard that one before.
He included a story about a New Detroit splash park [which] opened, minus the water. Now I could make fun of Detroit because they built a “splash park” and didn’t have water but that would be mean.
Bwa ha ha ha ha! Yes I’m mean. What a hoot!
Then, in mid laugh, I had another thought. The government builds “splash parks”? WTF?!?
Curmudgeon that I am, I have limited experience with “splash parks”. In recent centuries I’ve only been to one. I was dragged there (like all other adults who go to such places) by a child. Child dove and I oozed into several water filled objects that resembled gargantuan cement mixers. We sloshed around on the spin cycle until we were both half drowned. Here’s a hint; the five story slide that children go down on their belly was not calibrated for a two hundred pound man. I believe my ass broke the sound barrier while my balls were still on the launch pad. In the end… I lived.
It was fun for child. It was OK for me (but if I ever go down the five story slide again it’s because Vladimir Putin pushed me). Also it was expensive. I left more or less penniless. Well played oh splash park nemesis!
So what is this Detroit based “government subsidized waterless splash entity”? Aren’t “splash parks” run by capitalist entities like Six Flags or something? Apparently not. The photos make it look like a tepid shadow of the outrageous capitalist ball buster I encountered.
Next question; why? For this I turn to the Detroit News (which reads like they cut and pasted the press release). Detroit opens splash park in Palmer Park neighborhood. It begins with this:
“Because her Palmer Park neighborhood didn’t have a splash park, [City Council member] Carla Rivers would have to drive her 9-year-old daughter Karis to Farmington Hills to enjoy the experience.
Now after years of having their neighborhood pool shut down, residents like Rivers and their children have a brand-new splash park to call their own.”
So there you have it. In the horrible oppressed days of yore people had to drive their own cars to have the recommended annual dose of splash park experience. Detroit, because it’s awesome, rectified this situation by using tax dollars to build a “free” splash park. It was financed, apparently, by unicorns.
Of course I live in the middle of nowhere. If I want to go to a splash park I have to drive several hours. Once I get there it’ll cost money to get in and I’ll get raked over the coals for purchases of everything from corn dogs to sunscreen.
What’s the word for someone who must finance his own vehicle, drive it himself, and pay to play? Oh yeah; it’s called “being an adult”.
One last quote:
“It’s important to keep our kids occupied,” she said. “This facility will definitely keep them occupied.”
Shitty schools and rampant crime in a bankrupt city; no wonder they’ve got to keep the kids “distracted”.
Meanwhile, curmudgeon that I am, I go swimming fairly often. I never cost a penny of tax dollars. I find the nearest lake and jump in.
The water may be a bit cold but it’s free; and when I say something is “free” I don’t mean “paid for by someone else”. Plus there’s always the chance I’ll catch a fish for lunch. Detroit, which is essentially bankrupt, could learn a lot by jumping in a lake.