Obamaphone III

There’s no particular reason why I chose this week to ridicule the Obamaphone (or rant over 4% of Americans getting “free” phones!).  Apparently I hit upon a timely topic. Who knew I’d write about anything popular during the crucial “mainstream media limitation period” (patent pending) of the election campaign? (Note: the surgeon General says bullshit is bad for you. Just say no to “journalists” who speak directly from their butt!)

The People’s Cube have described the Obamaphone in exquisite detail. You should click there right now…don’t even read the rest of my post.

You’re reading the rest of the post aren’t you? Nobody follows directions! Ok, here’s a taste to encourage to head for the original article.

Totally true facts about the Obamaphone:

  • It automatically rejects calls from people with a different opinion.
  • It doesn’t have a plan; it just keeps telling you how bad the other guy’s plan is.
  • When it crashes, it blames your previous phone.
  • The healthcare app downloads and installs itself without your permission.
  • When you make a call, a teleprompter pops up to help you speak.
  • It automatically bows down to phones made by foreign companies.
  • When you watch a YouTube video, a US ambassador gets killed.
  • As opposed to the iPhone, it’s called the mePhone.

H.T. to Irons in the Fire.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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8 Responses to Obamaphone III

  1. cspschofield says:

    Maybe it’s because I think that subsidizing networks (like canals, railroads, or rural electrification) is one of the few ways that government spends money that benefits society in a cost effective was, but I’ve never been all that worked up about the phones. I certainly don’t want one; I don’t want to be tied to a phone 24/7 … I’d rather wear sandpaper clothes. But I do think it’s at least defensible to try to make sure that the indigent have the means to pester their congresscritters. On the same note, I’m for folding the Post Office back into the government (completely), ceasing the pretense that it is self supporting (or should be), and dropping the price of a first class stamp to $.05. (so that any wino who can find a returnable bottle can bug a politician).

    I’d cut a LOT of programs for ‘the poor’ before I’d trash the Obamaphone. Aid to Dependent Children springs to mind. Hell, if they want to climb out of poverty, having a cell phone will certainly help them get a job (or, rather, NOT having one would certainly make getting a job harder), and if they spend the whole day yattering at each-other, well they could do lots worse. I suppose that, inevitably, some of them will use such phones to deal drugs, but I’m in favor of legalization of practically everything anyway, so that argument gets no traction with me.

    Not that the bloated female walrus who has become forever know as the Obamaphone Lady isn’t a repellant twit.

    • Originally the phone was so everyone would have a landline so they could dial 911. I can see that making sense for shut-ins and the elderly (expecially very rural), etc… But technology mostly supplanted that need. EVERY cell is ALWAYS accepted for a 911 call and cell reception (expecially for a 911 call) is pretty good. Problem (mostly) solved! You could pass out boxes of old worn out phones with no plans and suddenly everyone has a 911 caller in their pocket. A miracle! In short, everyone could congratulate themselves and go home.

      Instead it fell prey to mission creep and expanded in scope far beyond anything reasonable. A program for 911 service to a shut in (and local calls because of how phones are billed) became a 250 minute a month toy for the sub-literate creature on the video. I take personal offense because poverty (real or imagined) does not justify a “free” new phone with “free” 250 minutes a month. I don’t believe that you need 1,300 “free” minutes a year to hold down a job as a Wal Mart greeter any more than you need an Xbox 360 to get through High School.

      As for the post office I support it’s continued existence but massively stripped down and back inside the government. I like the delivery of physical mail in case it’s someday needed for vacceines or something like that. I also see the post (unlike a phone or e-mail) as an inherently governmental service. Society needs it so we can always send and receive information regardless of this newfangled thing called the internet. On the other hand I don’t think we need Saturday delivery. In fact I think “snail mail” two or three days a week would suffice just fine to let people annoy their congresscritters and do other very essential duties.

      • cspschofield says:

        Oh, mission creep is certainly the major suspect here. And much of what you say is to the point. My comment on jobs was focused more on GETTING a job than on holding one, though as a cell-phone refusenic I have run into FAR too many companies who really REALLY wanted me to have a cell phone (at my own expense) so that they could call me when they felt like it.

        I guess that, if I was going to start getting rid of government giveaways, I would start with ones like the school lunch programs that provide stuff nobody really wants.

        Of course, I suppose there must be SOME way for the government to screw up free cell-phone minutes to the extent that they are no good anymore. I just can’t imagine what it would be.

      • I think screwing it up until it’s no good might be superior to “free toy for no good reason”.

        How’s this: Option I is a phone with 30 minutes a month? That’s enough to conduct simple business but not enough to chat idly. Of course if the “owner” wanted to buy more minutes at their own expense…go for it. After six months the phone explodes.

        Option II is a phone that’s “free” and lasts several years but it only recieves calls FROM an employer or parole officer. It doesn’t dial out except 911, employers, and the parole officer. It’s surgically bolted to your skull.

        Option III is when the government ignores you and you buy whatever the hell you want with your own money.

  2. driversuz says:

    Okay, okay, I’m going to read the link! And of course we don’t follow directions! Do you think a blog like this attracts sheep for readers?

  3. Pingback: Daily funnies | Save Capitalism

  4. Joel says:

    I, on the other hand, followed directions exactly. Aren’t I a good boy? Do I get a free phone or something?

    What was the rest of the post about?

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