The Chevy Volt’s Slogan: FAIL Of The Century

Everyone needs a hobby.  I have several.  One of my stranger hobbies is bashing the massively subsidized Chevy Volt, the love child of Government Motors, “green jobs”, and Soviet economic thought.  Whenever I need something to cheer me up I think of the Volt…and a sledge hammer.  Yeah…my happy place.  I’m so Zen.

At any rate I was checking the official Chevy Volt web page to see what the official MSRP would be (if anyone actually bought one).  Officially it’s $39,145 and you’ll get a $7,500 shameless bribe tax credit if you’ll buy it.  I’d been planning a post whining about the price.  But the site’s slogan changed my mind.

The slogan on the Volt’s web page was:

“Somebody has to be the first.”

Here’s how it sounds to me:

“In a tuberculosis outbreak, someone has to be first.”

I laughed so hard I spilled my coffee.  I expected something like “oh boy you get to be the first” or the far more traditional “hot babes dig men with this car so you’d better get it first” or even “it’s awesome to be the fist person to own this cool thing we’re selling”.  That’s how you market an object hoping to make people want it. The Volt is nothing like a real consumer good.  It’s an underpowered monument to planned economies, “green” denial of reality, and most galling of all…a cruel mockery of the electric car I once imagined the shining future might hold.  This isn’t a car you desire…it’s a car you endure.  The slogan (probably inadvertently) plays homage to that.  It’s actually being marketed as if it’s miserable shameful difficult task that we must all undertake…so someone might as well get it over with.

Welcome to government managed industries:

“We’re going to kick you all in the balls.  Who’s first?”


“You all must go to the dentist…someone has to be first.”


“We’re convinced that everyone would stampede the doors if someone somewhere bought the first one.  Would someone please buy this piece of shit?”

You know…I used to mock Congress and the current president.  But the Chevy Volt is so much more fun.  Soon I’ll be joined by thousands of people who say that the Chevy Volt is a mess; we’ll drive our heavy duty trucks to a central meeting place…possibly at a shooting range where we all test out the Volt’s dent resistance and then have an electrically assisted bonfire.  It is a movement just waiting to happen.  I’ll be the one to start it because “someone has to be first.”

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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9 Responses to The Chevy Volt’s Slogan: FAIL Of The Century

  1. Joe in PNG says:

    I wonder if Clarkson has done a review of one on Top Gear yet?

  2. MAJMike says:

    I’m in. I’ll load up my F-150 with 5.56mm and 7.62mm NATO and reconfirm the zeroes on the AR and the HK91. A good time will be had by all.

  3. McThag says:

    It reminds of the best tag-line for a bad car ever uttered. National Lampoon’s Vacation:

    “If you think you hate it now, wait ’til you drive it!”

  4. C. S. P. Schofield says:

    I suppose that, eventually, after a tech breakthrough or six, and with MUCH better battery tech, all-electric cars might make sense for people whose transport needs involve a limited number of short range errands in an area with recharging stations in place. Assuming that the Greenies will allow us to build enough serious electrical generation capacity to cover the additional demand.

    And I suppose that, someday, somebody may come up with a form of ‘alternative energy’ that is reliable enough to be useful and that doesn’t give the Greenies the Leaping Fantods.

    But I ain’t holding my breath. I don’t look good in blue.

  5. Brian Dunbar says:

    “Somebody has to be the first.”

    I thought you were kidding. You’re not.

    “If you think you hate it now, wait ’til you drive it!”

    You see some problems as an outsider.

    Imagine being privy to the actual details of it’s construction, true costs, the compromises, the subtle moral erosion of producing a product like this. Then you’re asked to come up with an ad campaign to convince suckers to plunk their money down.

    I conjecture: the team gave it their best shot, but the corrosive affects of the above combined with an already healthy dose of American Cynicism worked on their minds and this is the result: agit-prop, American style.

  6. John A says:

    I note the 2012 Volt has about the same range as the 1912 Ford electric. And the Ford could be charged via normal household current (with an inexpensive adapter, such as I remember my father using in the 50s for his car battery).

  7. Pingback: The Volt (As Was Always Its Fate) Swirls The Drain | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

  8. Pingback: Washington Post Encourages My Bashing Of The Volt | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

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