Everyone needs a hobby. I have several. One of my stranger hobbies is bashing the massively subsidized Chevy Volt, the love child of Government Motors, “green jobs”, and Soviet economic thought. Whenever I need something to cheer me up I think of the Volt…and a sledge hammer. Yeah…my happy place. I’m so Zen.
At any rate I was checking the official Chevy Volt web page to see what the official MSRP would be (if anyone actually bought one). Officially it’s $39,145 and you’ll get a $7,500
shameless bribe tax credit if you’ll buy it. I’d been planning a post whining about the price. But the site’s slogan changed my mind.
The slogan on the Volt’s web page was:
“Somebody has to be the first.”
Here’s how it sounds to me:
“In a tuberculosis outbreak, someone has to be first.”
I laughed so hard I spilled my coffee. I expected something like “oh boy you get to be the first” or the far more traditional “hot babes dig men with this car so you’d better get it first” or even “it’s awesome to be the fist person to own this cool thing we’re selling”. That’s how you market an object hoping to make people want it. The Volt is nothing like a real consumer good. It’s an underpowered monument to planned economies, “green” denial of reality, and most galling of all…a cruel mockery of the electric car I once imagined the shining future might hold. This isn’t a car you desire…it’s a car you endure. The slogan (probably inadvertently) plays homage to that. It’s actually being marketed as if it’s miserable shameful difficult task that we must all undertake…so someone might as well get it over with.
Welcome to government managed industries:
“We’re going to kick you all in the balls. Who’s first?”
“You all must go to the dentist…someone has to be first.”
“We’re convinced that everyone would stampede the doors if someone somewhere bought the first one. Would someone please buy this piece of shit?”
You know…I used to mock Congress and the current president. But the Chevy Volt is so much more fun. Soon I’ll be joined by thousands of people who say that the Chevy Volt is a mess; we’ll drive our heavy duty trucks to a central meeting place…possibly at a shooting range where we all test out the Volt’s dent resistance and then have an electrically assisted bonfire. It is a movement just waiting to happen. I’ll be the one to start it because “someone has to be first.”