Midnight Battle With The Raccoon Of Doom

The world must know of the dangers posed by mutant unkillable raccoons.  Here’s a bit to whet your appetite:

“Looking back on the events of the evening, this is probably the point when I should have realized that things might not work out exactly as I had anticipated. But he was up there in the tree, expressing, in the strongest possible terms, his utter disregard for me, my entire species, and my puny little rifle. So what are you going to do? I loaded up the gun and I shot his ass again.”

“…he immediately latched his teeth into the stock, got ahold of it with his claws, and proceeded to climb UP the gun, having apparently decided that would provide the quickest and most expeditious route to my throat.  I might have gotten just a little bit freaked out at that point.”

Click to read it all.  (And you should.)

Hat tip to Bayou Renaissance Man.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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4 Responses to Midnight Battle With The Raccoon Of Doom

  1. Dw says:

    Read this story a few weeks ago. Laughed so hard I nearly peed. So reminded me of my attempts at humane capture and relocation, to now thinking that the nuclear option is the only option that will take care of raccoons.

  2. bluesun says:

    I had one raccoon that took 3 shots from the .22 to take down. Luckily it was in the trap, so it couldn’t get at me… but it sure acted pissed off.

  3. MaxDamage says:

    I had a brand-new Ruger 10/22, never been fired in anger or lethal intent. 10 round magazine. Enter one raccoon who determined the family dog and I were prey.

    The loudest sound in the world is “click.”

    Three rounds into the head, seven more into the body, according to my autopsy, because I fancied a coonskin cap. I lost my enthusiasm somewhere in that process.

    I still carry a .22 for most endeavors around the farm. But I keep a .45 on my belt for when the .22 fails to impress them.

    – Max

  4. big d says:

    Raccoons are evil souless monsters. And when you poke holes in them with a 22 it summons the bad stuff inside them. recently skinned one I had to poke 6 times to let the bad stuff out.

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