Grandma Bread

After reporting my unprecedented success; I’ve had several requests for my patented, super secret, never before discovered, wombat shit free bread recipe.  Fair ’nuff.

I will comply but not right now.  At the moment my blog is on temporary auto-pilot while I’m out of town.  You’ll have to wait.

In the meantime I’ll add a few points of interest related to cooking Grandma food:

  1. Getting cooking advice from me is ironic.  I do not cook…I kill stuff, eat things, and manufacture food.  Cooking is, to me, a means to an end; the “end” of course is not starving (and avoiding the ingestion of shit).  My wife, who is a superb cook, is probably rolling her eyes (or worse) at the paradox of me giving any culinary advice on anything.
  2. In keeping with my ideas of cooking, all of my “culinary advice” is intended for possessors of a Y chromosome or those who can grok my attitude.  If you’re looking for anything like the average cooking advice…try Julia Child.
  3. If I did it then it is simple and crude.  I did not invent the bread recipe I used.  Why reinvent the wheel?
  4. The only reason to bake bread is because there are not free range loaves which can be hunted.

Since you asked for it, I’ll provide further information (at a later date).  Prepare to be underwhelmed.


About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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4 Responses to Grandma Bread

  1. Wolfman says:

    I consider eating vegetables to be marginally unethical, as they lack the will and ability to run, hide, or evade; in short, its not sporting. That being said, I like cooking (and am a bit of a gourmet) and am always open to seeing what others do, and the results they get. My wife and I have made a shift in the last year or two towards Grandma Test cooking (didn’t have a name for it) and found ourselves in better shape for it. Canning kicks a– and is fun, and satisfies my prepper side, as does the concept of your Grandma bread. Hence, I am intrigued. I await the process with bated breath.

  2. Nancy R. says:

    This is how I made Peppermint Bark.

    I give myself even odds that I can grok the attitude.

  3. jefferson101 says:

    My dear wife seldom lets me cook. I’m pretty much in the same mode, which is to say that one either boils or burns something until it starts smelling good, and then eats it.

    If it don’t smell good, add some spices, and boil or burn it some more. That usually works out.

    Also, pans. I’m actually a fairly competent cook, as long as whatever I’m cooking takes one pan, or one skillet, or one baking pan. If it involves more than one, I get frustrated, annoyed at the mess, and start going all crazy, because if I cook, I clean.

    If any dish requires more than one container to be mixed and cooked, I don’t do it. I know people who can dirty every pot, pan, and baking dish in the house to boil water. (Yes, wife. I’m looking at you.) That’s why I only do dishes if I cooked. And I can get more miles out of one pan than she can out of five.

    Bread? The bread machine is too easy. I don’t need to have to go dump it all out and beat the dough down a couple of times for each batch. Yeah. I can do it. I “can” squat to take a whiz, too. But I ain’t going to do it unless it proves to be somehow necessary. So far, it isn’t, and I can still afford the electricity to run the bread machine, too.

    Grinding my own wheat has happened. That’s why we have blenders. It works just fine, but since whole grain wheat and ground bread flour are pretty much the same price around these parts, why bother? Should I have to, I can. Since I don’t “have” to, I’ll take the easy way out.

    Should the Zombies attack, I’m fairly good to go. And I can deal if I have to grow my own wheat. But it could be noted that I don’t have to, and the Zombies aren’t around this week, so far.

    Bread machines rock. If I can’t power it, my Freezers are going south really soon thereafter anyway, right?

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