Monthly Archives: September 2011

The Hardware Revelation

Wood Tape is the story of a four year old’s trip to a hardware store. Every Dad will appreciate it. Continue reading

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Poodle Vision: Epilogue

Which brings me to today’s “ironclad rule of logically interacting with genetically engineered wolf by-products”: “When dealing with dogs, if it can fit in a microwave; put it in one.” Continue reading

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Squirreling Away Nuts For Winter

Steam pressure! If only we could harness this for locomotive power to pull train cars! Continue reading

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Word For The Day: Green Jobs

Here’s the deal. There are jobs and there is bullshit. Adding an adjective in front is irrelevant. Continue reading

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Happy Birthday To Me

I’m not gonna’ tell you my birthday. You’ll just have to guess. But rest assured I do have one. Continue reading

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How’s That Working Out For Ya?

Have you ever been at a really rocking party where everyone is so wasted that they’re seeing different dimensions? Ever been stone cold sober at a party like that? It sucks. Everyone is having the time of their life and you’re just hoping to sneak out the back door before someone asks for a ride home and throws up in your car. You’ve got to get to work in the morning and think maybe some sleep would be in order. The host’s house is getting trashed. The blender is in the fish tank, someone has painted the cat blue, there’s a naked stranger sleeping on the porch, and the bathroom looks like a war zone. They’re begging you to join in and all you want is to get out of there…because you’re sober…and it’s not fun. The 2008 election cycle was the big party that wasn’t fun if you hadn’t drank the Kool-Aid. Continue reading

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Poodle Vision

Then I realized a terrifying fact. I was smiling and walking a dog the size of and weight of a bag of chips. Perhaps I could be seen! What if someone saw me walking a poodle? This wouldn’t do! I’ve got a reputation as a surly and bad natured ogre and I need to protect it! Walking a dog the size of a farm implement always seemed to fit my disposition. Walking a poodle might make me seem…approachable? Possibly even “pleasant”?!? The horror! Continue reading

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