Ailing Tractor VIII

This is what happened to a clutch mounting bolt.

This is what hell looks like.

This is what I have to say about it.

First I wet myself. Then I swore. Then I swore more.  Finally, because the event merited it…I began swearing in different languages, varying octaves, and I think I started foaming at the mouth.  I. Was. Unhappy.

Unfortunately I wasn’t actually struck dead by my stupidity.  Since swearing and prayer hadn’t worked I had to think of something else.  A run to the parts store (they’re getting to know me) and I had my emergency extraction kit.

This is usually where things go from bad to worse.

Extractions never go well. Soon the drill bit broke.

I have cleverly stored the tip of the bit on the left deep in the flywheel of a tractor.

At this point you’re “all in”. From now until the moment you get the broken bolt AND THE DAMN BROKEN DRILL BIT out of the engine you’ve transformed a potentially valuable engine into a smelly paperweight. I was doomed.

I took a break and drank some rum.  I wondered if I could set fire to the tractor and move to Guam?  But alas I had to go back into the garage and face my nemesis.

I used the “easy out” which are never easy and don’t always come out. I swore a lot. That seemed to lubricate it.

I have never seen anything more beautiful in my life!

Then I fished around in there and swore some more. Through some miracle I retrieved the broken drill bit tip. I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t cooked yet.

I feel like I've just defused a bomb.

Finally I checked the threads. I didn’t even touch them. (There is a God!)

Now, after working half the day…I’m precisely where I was when I started this morning. Yet, after the bolt mishap I’m ever so grateful.

I’m on the porch now and drinking more rum.  I can’t face the tractor.

There’s always tomorrow.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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11 Responses to Ailing Tractor VIII

  1. STxRynn says:

    When it comes to old bolts in the inaccessible place, I like to use new bolts. And a 3/8″ drive socket wrench. You can break bolts easily with a 1/2″ wrench. Don’t forget antiseize, if it won’t compromise the assembly.

  2. Sxooter says:

    If it ever gets really bad you can always go to helicoils.

  3. aczarnowski says:

    That bolt and extractor on the bench is a beautiful thing.

    Your feelings matched mine when I broke off a neutral switch in the bottom of my ’77 BMW motorcycle transmission. The extraction took the other road; threads were vandalised and there was more rum consumed. Extra tuition was paid. But seeing the new part installed was a celebration.

    Congratulations on celebrating in the same day!

  4. kx59 says:

    ugh, stuff like that can turn a simple repair into an all day affair. In my best Clinton immitation “ah feel your pain.”

  5. Groundhog says:

    After 14 1/2 fun filled months on Guam I think you may have gotten the better deal. We had two sayings on that island. One was “In God we trust, on Guam we rust.” The other one was that “If it wasn’t for the military, the Japanese tourists, and the natives, Guam wouldn’t be a half bad place!”

  6. Whew! After having seen that on a Cessna’s engine, my heart sank a little at the first photo. Congratulations on getting it out in the same day, and not touching the threads!

    Enjoy your rum – that’s a good day’s worth of work and frustration.

  7. Pingback: Christmas And The Tractor Of The Damned: Part II | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

  8. Pingback: Tractor Repair Reference | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

  9. Pingback: Christmas And The Tractor Of The Damned: Part II | Adaptive Curmudgeon

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