Search Term Roundup

One purpose of the internet is to connect insane Google search terms to irrelevant bloggers.  Here are some search terms that inexplicably pointed my way:

annoying bitch text: Yes I’m annoying and I bitch a lot.  You don’t have to rub it in.

how to leave the internet and go off grid: That device you’re typing on?  Set it on fire.  Works every time.

adaptive exaggeration function: The degree to which I’m a handsome macho adventurer with witty stories that need to be shared increases logarithmically with the two hour moving average of the number of drinks I have consumed.  That is the exaggeration function which one applies to an Adaptive Curmudgeon.

things men used to be able to do: Men can still do them.  The definition hasn’t changed.  The percentage of the population that progress from “whiny useless tool with an X chromosome” to “a man” has.

my tractor has no radio: Good for you.  Unless you’re bringing in sixty tons of grain your tractor should not have a radio.  My tractor has no radio, no cab, and (though I wouldn’t advise it) no brakes.

why does the canadian government give a shit what kind of lightbulb i use: The real question is why any government is so intrusive as to regulate lightbulbs and how many politicians/bureaucrats need to be tarred and feathered before they develop a more humble attitude.

two party system explained:  One party is evil.  The other party is stupid.  Together they’ll give the voters what the voters want…no matter how stupid and evil the results may be.

term for a “place to drink beer”: Earth.

atlas shrugged suddenly became relevant: It was always relevant.  You just discovered it.  Nor does relevant mean “fun to read”.

when does the book atlas shrugged start to get good: On page 6,348,228 there is an interesting quote.  Also it’s a good source of entertainment.  When you encounter one of Ayn Rand’s minions mention that you’ve read Atlas Shrugged.  They’ll glow with joy.  Then quickly say something like “but with the certainty of global warming we’re just going to have to accept more regulations for the sake of the planet”.  Have a camera ready for the reaction!  A six hour rant will ensue.  Every now and then interject “but it’s for the environment”, “if it saves just one life it’s worth it”, or “we just need better leaders”.

fifty five speed limit: This was a tragic era that sapped American’s will to live and led to such disasters as disco, lite beer, and the AMC Gremlin.  Originally the law was passed during an oil embargo ostensibly to increase fuel efficiency “for the environment”.  Later when gas was cheap again it was advertised with billboards claiming “55 saves lives”. Eventually folks realized that nobody on planet earth is willing to drive 55 on an American superhighway and the law was gradually phased out.  By then everyone agreed that it was the stupidest idea since New Coke.  Everyone blamed the hated law on Carter and said it wouldn’t have happened if we had better leaders.

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
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4 Responses to Search Term Roundup

  1. kx59 says:

    Curmudge, either you had some time on your hands, or you’ve been smoking ditch weed. The lovely Belle was right, you do have a sense of humor. That was one of the funniest things I’ve read all week. Belle, btw, has read Atlas Shrugged 4 or 5 times. Me…zero. However, I have assimilated the gist of it, having been lectured on the subject numerous times.

  2. An excellent article. I can’t speak for anyone else but I have the data that Carter’s 55 mph speed limit caused my fuel economic to decrease almost 30% and I can even explain why.

    • Roy says:

      The problem with that, spamtrap, is that the 55mph speed limit was enacted in 1974 during the Nixon administration.

      Carter can be blamed for a lot of things, but not that one.

      • Yes, Carter, who screwed up nearly everything he touched, didn’t cause 55mph. But blaming the president for things that they do not control is both utterly unfair and as American as apple pie. Also Carter sure as heck didn’t try to repeal the unpopular law. Wimp! Carter wasn’t a good president but I recall that he was blamed for everything under the sun; including things he couldn’t possibly have caused like Billy Beer, bad weather, and guys who couldn’t get dates on Saturday night. Also Nixon will always be oversimplified to one and only one concept…so a joke with Nixon as a punchline never seems to fly.

        Despite Carter’s innocence I still have a chip on my shoulder about 55 MPH. I was young then and the 55 MPH limit was the first time I saw theoretically free citizens inexplicably pass a law which nobody with a pulse liked, the cops enforced unevenly (and made money from the fines!), and even the most committed law abiding upright citizens routinely broke it. I was also astounded that an obviously unpopular law lasted at least 13 years. (Side note: Prohibition went from 1919 to 1933…America passed two countermanding constitutional amendments faster than they tinkered with speed limits in my lifetime. Why so glacially slow?) A child thinks that adults are supposed to act like…well adults. Part of being an adult is learning from your mistakes and fixing that which you’ve screwed up. That adults would be so stupid about speed limits was a new idea and the death knell to innocence. That’s why it still annoys me decades later. Presumably if I were born in a different era I’d be making jokes about Woodrow Wilson and grumbling about speakeasys and Capone.

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