Manly Logging Stuff!

Behold the mighty device which I have acquired!

Ralph Nader and the rest of the OSHA gang crap Twinkies when they see the tools I posses!

That’s a 48″ Timberjack.  Or as I like to call it; “Thor’s Pincers Of Amageddon”.  I have a desire to carry it around on Halloween or weld it to my truck’s hood.  I like it because it’s cheap, has steel teeth, has a handle strong enough to beat a wolverine to death, and it’s ugly.  That last part is key.  I expect it to keep working so long as I’ve got a strong back and the need to chop wood.

I really wanted a wooden handled Peavey.  One with a macho 2″ thick Hickory handle that was carved with obsidian blades and varnished with the tears of vanquished foes.  Yellow paint and fiberglass isn’t as cool.  Nor does the fiberglass reduce weight…that bad boy is heavy.

Alas this is what I could find locally.  I tried calling a wider area for a better selection but talking to the people who answered the phone was like trying to explain the French Revolution to a Labrador Retriever.  Trust me on this; you don’t want to explain log rolling hand tools to the pierced wonder manning the phone at a hardware store.  They own iDevices with the battery compartment sealed at the factory.  Using muscles to leverage tons just doesn’t compute.  I live in a whole different reality.  I have logs that are too heavy to move by hand and a chainsaw.  They have student loans and a Kindle.  It’s a big gap.

Remember this when oil prices fluctuate in the Middle East.  Our nation is populated by people that think that propane comes from a factory, windmills will run their Prius, and apparently they think I can harvest firewood using magic robotic space elephants.

No matter; ignorant rednecks like me can always use a fulcrum and a lever to get shit done.  Try that when you need propane.

Incidentally the tool works wonders (not that I had any doubts).  You grab a log with those nasty teeth and give a manly shove.  You’re rewarded with a log in motion.  Do it right and it’s a ballet.  Screw up and the log will break your ankle.  I like it when life has simple feedback loops.

I’ve got some logs that I’m eager to cut up for next winter.  This winter ‘aint over (no trucks have sunk yet) but next winter isn’t far off.  In a world where the Government has been on continuing resolutions since 2010, homesteaders plan ahead like they always have.

You might be wondering what the “kickstand” on the back is for?  It’s a removable (and sure to be removed) device that lifts the log off the ground so your saw chain isn’t as likely to hit the dirt and get dull.

A smallish log soon to be cut into 16" stove bolts.

One of the joys of self reliance is tools.  Enjoy them!

About Adaptive Curmudgeon

I will neither confirm nor deny that I actually exist.
This entry was posted in Brilliance and Simplicity. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Manly Logging Stuff!

  1. Ahhh, woods tools.
    I’ve had the wood-handled version for a number of years, but much of the time I pull the “leg” & use it as a cant hook for rolling around the big ones I couldn’t lever up anyway.
    Wood season starts in April for me; I’d rather fight the mud than the leaves & bugs.

  2. ZerCool says:

    Why bother with minimum-wage Gofers at the hardware store? Everything you need is right here. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Tree Talk | The Adaptive Curmudgeon's Blog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s