Monthly Archives: February 2012

Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread VI: Mixin’ Stuff

You’re finally ready to make some bread! Make some coffee first. Why? Because it’s coffee. You can’t have beer until the coffee phase is over. I’ll explain later. Kick everyone out of the kitchen and bask in the glory of … Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread V: Flour

Flour is the victim of historic oddities which have made something simple into something complex. I blame the whole thing on Wonder Bread and early 20th century urbanisation. (I told you it was boring!) Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread IV: Consumables

You’re going to need salt, yeast, flour, and gluten. Each of these things is so earth-shatteringly cheap that you should buy a lot of them. Why? Because they store forever (almost) and it sucks to go to grocery stores. Also you might want to make bread during the zombie apocalypse. Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread III: Equipment

Don’t let these objects commingle with the rest of the measuring devices in the kitchen. These are yours. These are for your full assault on the bread monopoly that’s keeping it’s boot heel on our collective neck. Like weaponry, your bread tools are now mission critical implements which should be properly stored where you and only you can access them. Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread II: Workspace

Remove the doily that inexplicably sits in the center and take the opportunity to dispose of the ridiculous scented candle that sits on the doily. (Toss it in the trash and blame the cat.) Now make some bacon. Why? Because it’s bacon. Do you need a reason to enjoy bacon? Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread I: Motivation

Don’t think “I shall make a loaf of bread”…that’s too wimpy. Think manly; “I’m gonna’ bake the shit out of a loaf of bread!” Closer but not enough. Try this “Those son of a bitches at corporate bread are never going to see another damn penny of my money!” Yeah, that’s it! Continue reading

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Curmudgeonly Cooking: Bread 0: Class Prerequisite

Soon I’m going to launch into a multi-part series of essays that expound on recent bread baking successes at Curmudgeon compound. You were warned. There’s a prerequisite for this free lecture series / class / ramble / rant / unexpected shouting. I implore you to buy (or steal) the book I’ve recommended. Trust me…it’s worth it. Continue reading

Posted in Homesteading | 6 Comments